that time i got in a walking club. turned out to be a speed-dating deathmatch. fail. (if i should fall, act as though it never happened.)

MOOD: sentimental

TLDR: joined club to make friends, got assigned to random boys like a human trading card instead. also someone is now calling me 'hippie intp girl' and i Want Out!! 

okay this is going to be a long post. i feel, STUCK! as seen in the title, i went to a walking club that turned out to be a speed-dating deathmatch.  so buckle up because this is gonna be a LONG post but i promise u its worth it. 

okay, so my social life is DONE FOR!!!! university's supposed to be the time of our lives. the last breath of freedom. zero social responsibilities. getting crunk, taking nice little piccies on crappy digicams. whatever.

my band is dying, like, i havent met up with my hs friends in like a month. so what did i decide to do? try joining like a bunch of clubs!

First up - the walking club! saw lots of cool posters about films, music, etc. people complimented my 3ds (yes i still carry it around)! fun! weird thing - every time i go, i dont see a single girl? oh well, the club president seems nice anyways. whatever, so i sit here, watch a film (before sunrise). slept halfway through. guy talks to me about pitchfork stuff and how justin biebers early discography can be critically acclaimed. huh. okay. sure. baby baby baby oooh. (spoiler alert; he shows up w/an acoustic guitar in the later parts. he plays wonderwall. ) a week after that, i actually decide to go on a walk with them after school. five guys show up. im the only girl. again. but HERE'S where it gets weird. one guy actually decided to stalk my social media page (red flag #1) and calls me "the intp girl with a hippie music taste" (red flag #2-47). like, when i showed up for the first time he was like "hey intp hippie girl!! how are u??" and i was like ok this is totally normal human behavior. act natural. maybe he's just really into personality typology and organic produce.

things got SUPER awkward after that because the guy was like "omg haha i'm an intp too, intp besties amirite haha you can call me the intp boy haha let me listen to some of that hippie music!" and i was like ok this is totally normal. act normal. im going to be just fine. i stayed for 30 mins and left. okay, things might seem a little normal here - but things start escalating from this point. 

there was a meet-up with all the walking club members. i went there, obv. the fun event was held by the riverside btw. plus there were like fifty people so my stomach felt lowkey queasy from the way they were huddling together like a bunch of bees. oh well. turns out they didnt have enough girls so like, they numbered the girls to assign to a group of boys just cuz. i overheard them saying "okay we need one girl per group for optimal social chemistry!'  ma'am this is a walking club not speed dating. i was assigned to a group of random guys and i stiffened up cuz i didnt have anything to talk about. i just stood there awkwardly until a girl (core-member of the club) picked me up and put me in her group. she seemed really cool, actually! she was casually eating a riceball when she said she scribbles little pictures of jesus getting crucified in the corner of her notebook. i was really happy to see someone that actually seems cool in the club.

anyways, as i got reassigned to her group, guess who i see. guy that ive got beef with. i accidentally blurt out "WHAAAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?". the entire group goes silent. fifty people by the riverside and you could hear a pin drop. someone asks if i'm okay. i go limp. i snitch to that cool girl that ive got unresolved beef with him. i dash to the other side of the river. i cry in my boyfriends lap as i watch them do fireworks. ok. here I am, having a full existential crisis about friendship while my boyfriend's just trying to watch fireworks like "babe why are you crying it's just sparkly boom-booms in the sky" "this is more authentic then these guys will ever b"

god, ive always wanted to do fireworks by the river. i havent done it in a year with a decent group of friends. i dont know why, but i just felt really upset. i saw people living the ideal uni life infront of me - fireworks. guy playing wonderwall (okay i do admit that part is actually kind of lame), people chatting by the fire. everything. i had those things a year ago till my band started dying. ughhh... all i wanted was a cool group of friends i could go clubbing with. but theyre also shabby as hell. idk. but again im not spending precious years of my youth hanging out with people that actually utilises number systems to make groups. honestly, all i want in my life rn is to crash at some random friends basement (w/a GREAT acoustic system). have a couple pints of beer, and just.. ramble about stupid things. thats the uni life i want. i dunno. i mean, i think my appearance is alr. i shower every day, i rock a bixie cut w/silver highlights, i wear thrifted camis, knockoff jncos... okay this part is just whatever

so yeah. thats how i learned that walking clubs dont actually walk. moral of the story: dont put ur mbtis on ur social media bio. anyway, if anyone knows where i can find that basement with the great acoustic system, hmu. ill bring the existential dread and we can call it even.

ttyl <3 - levelier