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I've known that I'm a boy for a few years now.
I've chosen a name, I've gotten a binder, I've started to tell people.
I still dress feminine quite a lot and I haven't changed my appearance much. Honestly I'm pretty okay with how I look. But I just wish people could recognise that I'm a boy in a dress, a boy in a skirt. I feel a little self centred saying it, and I don't like it when people look at me in real life, but sometimes I wish that I got the same kind of shock factor as cis boys do when they wear skirts. I know that its a struggle that they face and I know I shouldn't want an extra struggle but I cant help it. Its a part of being a feminine boy, a part that I will never get to experience and I cant help but to be envious.
Along with this envy comes guilt. I have it easier because I can wear a skirt without getting ridiculed or stared at in the same way cis boys do. The selfish thing is that I don't want to be ridiculed. I'm asking for simply the gender affirming part of this burden. you don't get to pick and choose what parts of discrimination you do and don't want. I don't want to be discriminated against anymore than I already am but I just wish people noticed it as something "different" when I wear a skirt.
I know its an unreasonable ask, seen as I don't want to out myself by attempting to "pass" as a boy and I like my long hair at the moment so I don't know that id want to try to "pass" as a boy if it meant cutting my hair, I'm not asking for that acknowledgement, I'm just looking for my feelings to be validated.
Is this a common trans experience?
I never see people speaking about it online, it makes my feelings feel alien.
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Carson
hello, fellow FtM feminine guy/femboy here :p I have had similar experiences and feelings. Last month I was at the shopping centre with a friend and chose to wear a skirt and cardigan. I was anxious about people thinking it was weird but decided to push through. I didn't notice a single look the whole time I was there and it honestly made me feel worse. No one looked at me because i was just some girl in a skirt. We ran into some other friends and one had their grandfather with them. I immediately assumed he saw me as a guy (idk why, my passing rate is like 30/70 atm) and thought he was just chill, but he later used 'she' for me and I felt so awful I had to leave. I don't really tell ppl I'm a femboy, but lately with the transphobia and confusion among my classmates I've been wondering if I should just call myself a femboy. I'll still get shit, but they'll see me as a cis boy which is the only type of boy to them :\ Passing in feminine clothing is also a struggle for me because I'm not allowed to bind in any way except via sports bras (which suck) and have a large chest. I really enjoy tighter fem clothes but I just can't wear them without feeling gross. If I was cis or at least just seen as a 'real boy' it wouldn't matter.
Anyway, that's my experience and I've had similar thoughts. I definitely think there are transmasc/ftm femboys who think this and i personally think similarly. You know why you feel this way, and you know cis men who are feminine/dress feminine struggle with their own stuff. I'm sorry you've felt alien bc of this, but it's definitely a valid feeling.
Thank you sm for your comment, It rlly helps me feel seen! I am, however, sorry that you can relate, it's a shit feeling. I hope it doesn't discourage you from dressing how you want and I hope you can find/have found a way to express yourself comfortably!! :3
by Adam; ; Report
tysm, I'm getting there! I'm so glad I was able to help a bit :)
by Carson; ; Report