ya boy graduated ‼️+ an awkward experience at a birthday party

So the last time i thought about this website was like 2 months ago when i was all stressed about graduating and my political science class.. 2 months has really changed a lot. So if you check my last blog entry my biggest worry was about the huge final exam on wednesday that was the deciding factor on whether or not i graduate. Well the final exam was actually really easy, like the answers were literally online i basically passed the whole thing. It brought my grade up from an F to a C which means i barely passed and yes i did graduate 🥳

now my biggest worry is about going to college, i got so many documents and shit to submit before i actually start college in september.. and i kinda screwed myself over. it wasnt even me who screwed myself over it was my fricking counselor who decided to not read my emails. i had to submit my ib test results by the 15th so as soon as the results were available to the public (7th) i emailed my counselor about it but to this day she has not said anything. so after a week of no response i realized i had to submit them by the next day so i figured out how to submit them myself but it was already too late!

before i start college i have to do this test called the wpp on the 19th but im able to opt out of it if my ib test score is high enough (6 or 7) [shut up] but if not i had to sign up for the wpp.. but the thing is i literally dont know what my score is yet so i was just waiting the whole time. before taking the survey i thought the minimum score was 3 (which im pretty sure i got) but nope i checked it and it was 6 (no shot im getting that high) so i took the survey again but i took it the day before the wpp so i doubt it went through so i never got the link so i never took the wpp ☹️and this was the last chance im ever able to take the wpp (unless i can take it on campus but im not entirely sure about that)

also the wpp landed on the same exact day as this one pool party i went to.. and lets just say it wasnt the best experience for me.. im pretty sure the others had a blast but like i literally only knew like 2 people there and i havent seen either of them in years and were not even close.. one of them was this girl who was in my class 4 years ago in 8th grade + freshman year that i kinda liked and the other was her sister who went to my school and graduated 2 years before me so i havent seen either of them in 2-3 years and completely forgot about them until last month when their parents randomly showed up to my house and were like "yeah were moving here once you move out" like WHAT!?!?? my old crush is moving into my house?!? what kind of fate is this?? and then her parents invite me to their other daughters birthday party (they have like 6 daughters) at the local pool and DOUBLE WHAT?!?!? when i heard the news i was all giddy and excited 

so the day of the pool party comes and i was so excited to see her again and when i finally made it to the pool apparently they were full capacity so i couldnt even go.. jk we were let in cuz we were reserved for the birthday party. so we went to the side where the birthday parties were being held and there were like 4 at the same time so i didnt know where they were until her parents saw us and led me.. and then i saw her again.. its been like 3 years since i last saw her so i didnt really know what she looked like now but ahhhh shes still as pretty as i remembered but the only problem was that she was really shy and she kinda forgot who i was 💔 but we started to talk again which was nice and then we ate food!

so she was with all of her sisters plus a bunch of their friends but like i literally dont know any of them and none of them knew who i was so i kinda felt like an outsider the whole time but i did get to know one of the guys since he was the only other person who was willing to talk to me and we swam together but still i was pretty quiet and it felt kinda awkward

the pool also had waterslides which was pretty cool and i got to go down the waterslide with the girl and then we went back to the pool, but when we went back to the party area was when things felt awkward again. i was just eating my birthday cake standing close enough to the group to hear what they were talking about but she was with all her friends and i was kinda scared to join in cuz i didnt want to ruin the vibe so i just stood there for like 30 minutes straight and then at this point was when everything went downhill

so one of my only memories with her from 4 years ago was when we were in pe class together and i was grouped with her and a guy whos a grade above both of us (he went to japan with me a year later so we became good friends there but before then we werent close friends) and we only knew her as the shy girl but i did like her back then too. when we were doing exercises and stretches she went on her phone and i saw her wallpaper was some guy with thick eyebrows and i was like "whos that guy with the big eyebrows on your screen?" (probably not the best thing to say about someone now that i think about it LOL) and she was like "oh thats my boyfriend" and that absolutely devastated me so hard i forgot about her for like 4 years until fate decided to reunite us at her sisters pool party

so its been 4 years since she had that wallpaper so i thought "hmmm maybe theyre over each other already" but i saw her phone at the pool party and nope she still has that exact same wallpaper which is like fuck theyre still together after all this time. but apparently that didnt stop me from shooting my shot?!? like she still has a boyfriend why did i think asking her out was a good idea? well throughout the whole time i was at the party i was thinking of asking her for her instagram so that i could keep talking to her after the pool party but i needed to find the right time to ask her.. but the whole time she was with her friends so i never got the chance to.. and then we were packing up and she was about to leave and thats when i thought "its now or never i have to ask her now or else ill regret it" well little do you know you would regret asking her anyways

so while she was leaving the pool area i ran up to her to tell her goodbye but it was so rushed cuz she was about to leave and then i asked her for her instagram and she was like "oh no sorry i dont use instragram" which is understandable but the way i asked her just really irked me and it probably irked her too which is what im most worried about right now

since we were about to leave my only chance was only a few seconds long and i was thinking about it so much that it was all i was thinking about so this moment was the moment i was waiting for so i was also under pressure and so when i asked her it felt so rushed and demanding and when she said no it was the opposite of what i was hoping for so it just left me disappointed.. so yeah that was a huge fail ❌ and im just worried about how she feels about me asking her that cuz when at that moment i wasnt considering her feelings i just shot and airballed so hard

well this probably isnt the last time ill see her cuz shes literally moving into my house but i just gotta hope things arent too awkward next time we see each other. right now she only lives like 5 minutes away from my house but i never went there cuz it would be kinda awkward unless her parents let me visit. like her parents are my only source of hope since her parents and my parents are friends, and thats the whole reason why shes moving to my house and i was invited to their party. anyways theres a festival next months like 5 minutes away from my house and i was thinking of inviting her but i really doubt that shes gonna wanna go cuz in her eyes im not that close of a friend to her and plus shes really shy and the last time we saw each other was kinda awkward

tl;dr i successfully graduated, i screwed over myself for college, i got to see my old crush from 9th grade at a pool party but it was awkward