i can’t TAKE IT ANYMORE KHBAKJSHDKLABSKDLUDBALI

Okay. I’m getting SO annoyed. I know it’s stupid but whatever this is my blog i can do whatever i want

So there’s this girl i know okay let’s call her “J” (has absolutely nothing to do with her name just a random letter)

I’m just going to jump right into it, I’m not very good at background info so if it’s relevant it’ll come up later

So she always sends these stupid freaking gifs (sometimes teetering on the edge of just being plain inappropriate, but juuuuust tame enough) in my discord server with all my friends and like fixates on it

I’ll say “hi” and then itll be the damn gif (over exaggeration but whatever)

And then when i say “hey I don’t like seeing that” she’ll say “but whyyyy it’s funnt” (not a misspelling she really says this) and then make ME feel like the bad guy. I recently blocked one of these gifs using a bot and she was like “Charlie I swear if you banned this gif…” and I just acted clueless because we fight all the time and I didn’t really feel like dealing with that because I’m bad at communicating because I value my friends too much and don’t want them too feel bad even when they’re making me feel bad. It’s not just the gif too

There’s another member in my server (I’ve talked about them before, for more info view my “appreciation post for my friend” post, for the sake of organising in this post I’ll label them “W” (again, random letter)) that she really gets along with. Makes sense, they’re allowed to be friends, I have no place to police their relationship, it’s fine. But since J knows I like them, I feel a little more annoyed. Like, when W will come online, J will be like “OMGGGG HIIII W OMG I LOVE YOU SO MUCH LETS KISSSSSS” (saying we’re going to kiss eachother is normal for our friend group) and will be overly nice and amazing to W. And meanwhile will be indifferent to me. She knows I struggle with tone (or, I hope she knows) and sometimes will be like “Okay…” “sure…!” “um okay” to me which I misinterpret ALOT. And this also ties into when I get angry at her about the gifs.

Back to W, the switch up between interacting with W and me is stark, like I’ve said before. The only time it feels like J gives a damn that I’m there is when I’m venting to her? A few months ago I was telling her about something (I don’t remember now and I don’t really want to check) and she put “Charlie appreciation post!! You don’t know how much I care about uuu <3” in her discord bio. I kinda cried at this because I like when people care about me (this is normal right?) but she only did that because I was feeling down. She removed it when she changed her profile picture + bio and stuff but that’s not really related.

I still really like W (idrk if J knows that, since I told her in February and was rejected and she probably just forgot idk) and it just makes me feel kinda…I don’t even know. I don’t have a name for this feeling. But J will always be like “kiss me 😳😳” and other romantic things (obviously platonic-romance, since J has a boyfriend and is straight) 

I don’t really know where I was going with this post, I’ve been meaning to get all this out on a platform where none of my irl friends are (which is half the reason I made an account here; to talk about things I’m to scared to tell them in fear they’ll leave me or think less of me) instead of venting to the other girls in our group, who I know will just make it obvious I told them or are “on” J’s side (what I mean by this is another girl “K” (random letter) also sends the gifs and finds J’s inappropriate jokes funny and doesn’t see a problem with them will probably get angry at me and not see the problem I have with this)

If anyone has advice, I’d love to hear it. I don’t mean sound selfish at all, I’m just confused about the different treatment and all that jazz.

This has been Charlie I guess 🔥