Transformation

Today I felt like blogging. I just feel like there is alot on my mind and I need to get the thoughts out and somewhere else. I feel like a butterfly trying to break free of my cocoon; I can tell that something is different and changing, but it is up to me alone to be bring the cycle to completion. There are a lot of area's staring me in my face in my life that are like fix me right now !!!! But the priority feeling of lack being in the area of happiness & pleasure. And I use those 2 words as synonyms here. 

I have the disposition to others as being the one who is always happy, and for the most part that's true! But on the inside , and once I get behind closed doors, I AM FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE !!!! If my sister or a friend isn't available to come over to my house immediately after I get home from work, the rest of the evening is shot. I'll take sleep for dinner please and thanks. I'm just now beginning to see how this is problematic. I should be able to feel joy , peace, happiness, and pleasure when I'm alone with just me. But currently I cannot. 

So in order to fulfill myself and be satisfied with my life, and not just feel as if I'm going through the motions daily this is my priority. How I'm going to do that i haven't the slightest clue yet, but I will keep you posted.