maybe i was just a girl , interrupted (a lil vent)

my family is always begging me even though i dont want it she makes me go out i now its "it for u" and stuff but i dont want anything, im so scared off her . i feel like she doesnt want me sometimes but i CANT hate her becuase she is nice to me sometimes. i feel like she always yells at me and she say "oh its not like that why do you think that" , you can call me "ungreaful" or anything , i dont care. Im also a picky eater. i always gag and throw up when i try something people ALWAYS call me ungreaful and stuff. I feel like i cant tell my parents shit , one time i change the futboll group i support and i tell that to them hard. My parents also use to fight a lot when i was 2-6 years old and i feel like they started to fight again. I wish was like my friends.. only child , perfect parents, but honestly they are ungreaful. They make fun of me a lot , hit me and stuff but when i say it : they always say "no i didnt know you felt that way" and she ALWAYS gaslight me . My other friend gossips behing the other friends. I dont feel safe around both of the, I WISH im alone next school year. I dont want any friends , anyone. I have a lot going on my grammers bad. I only feel some emotions , i cry for no fucking reason at all i feel like BoJack. i dont have a good reason to be doing shity.My dad gave me a macbook. They are good but bad at the same time. We are like the family from F is for family , we are good but im the oldest son and daughter mixed. My mom ALWAYS tells me to be girly. I dont need anything , i really hope no one tries to be my friend i dont want to talk whit people. Almost everyone i meet makes fun of me. No one is like me. They dont even know friends , they are still at brazillion branrot(?). They never do what i tell , never even listen to me. I cant belivie im still friends whit them but i cant leave them cuz im scared they are gonna tell people rumors. i get bullied. from a fat guy (he looks like peter griffin whitout the). im littrealy HATE my main teacher (?) she scares the hell out me. Any ways i need films to watch.