San Public Files - 4

San here, once again

I've been able to distract myself with healthy things for a change! I'm exercising a bunch and wanted to do it today as well, but i'm afraid of overestimating myself and getting injured, wiping my progress on day 3 is a bad idea. My goal is to look like whatever comes up. when you search for "lean guys" on pinterest, it's gonna take 2 years tho, probably. I don't mind tho, i got all the time in the world, im only 18 after all.

I'm quitting my addictions, I'm really ashamed and don't really want to talk about it, so let's just say i got into it at 11 and been consuming it ever since, luckly it didn't turn me into a massive pervert who likes hardcore stuff but i better quit while Im still sane. It's really hard tho, especially with all my loneliness AND free time. I already Re-placed the filter on reddit, i cannot see +18 content over there anymore, I'm also trying my hardest to avoid any triggers.

I fell in love with the ideal version of myself, now i just have to put in the reps.

I've been in this headspace before, but things are different now, I'm lonely but that means there are no expectations, no burden. I'm weak, but i get to see myself growing stronger everyday. Things are going to be OK.

For a not subtle at all chage of subject: I've been thinking a lot about how I perceive myself and others. Could be the lonelyness getting to my head but I'm not sad exactly, I'd say it's just a fun change. It's like the game Kenshi, in the way that the player starts as literally the weakest around but evolves exponentially and eventually becomes one of the strongest around. In that case, I'd say im the player in kenshi, but people around me arent like kenshi NPC's (thank God).

I'd say they're like Cozy games or JRPJ side characters, they do their own thing, but they always end up interacting with me somehow. They have their own stats and quests you can choose to be a part of or not. I've even started building character sheets for my friends and family like they were characters in a game. So far i only got Yon and my old man, but I plan on doing it with an internet friend of mine next.

Games have always been a big part of my life, I guess thats manifesting as a coping mechanism now maybe?? idk.

Back to what I did today, I cleaned my room, and put my futon down, so now i don't need to climb the bunk bed everytime I just want to lie down and chill. Outside from that I'm just recovering from yesterday's exercise, normally I wouldn't need to do something like this but as I mentioned, I just started, so i have to be patient, even tho i really want to.

Actually, I might work on my abs real quick.

or watch anime to practice that japanese, idk

I can't play any of the games i want due to not having a windows operating system anyway, so those are my options for the rest of the day.

Thanks for reading, I intend to make all of you who are keeping an eye out for my japan arc proud!

cya