Shadows in the Bathroom

[TW for sh I think?]

“I’ve missed this.”

The shadows speak to me, soft and falsely comforting. 

My eyes follow an invisible line from the sink to the mirror.

The reflection.

Is that really me?

“Don’t you love what I’ve made you?” The voice surrounds me, “Don’t you love what I have carved you into?” 

I stare at my supposed self. 

“Why?” 

“You mean to tell me that you were happy with who you were before?”

I watch myself, unable to move. Unable to look away. 

“Well, no, but I mean-”

“Exactly,” The darkness responds, “so are you not happy with this?”

I stare at my body. Suddenly thin and fragile, running red at the sides, the dark circles under my eyes become apparent. Ribs visible and arms thin, yet still not a model figure.

“No, I’m not happy with this one either.”

The silence falls thick as honey; the shadows now deathly still as life stops.

“Will you ever be happy?” 

The irritation tinging the voice did not go unnoticed. 

“Will you ever be happy with what I⎯we⎯create?”

My gaze drags across myself in the dirty mirror, “No,” I reply, “I don’t believe I will ever be happy with any of it, and I refuse to believe that I was the one who helped ‘create’ this.”

Greed. Leeching and growing.

The greed and want for a “perfect” life. A greed that will likely never leave me.

And Hope. Lingering and dimming still. 

The hope that my life may soon be the one I live for. A hope that I will cling to for as long as I have the strength.

-Hey sry this iz a long one XD I've been having a lot of body issues recently sooooooo this is lowk my way of coping lolz. relapsing did not help btw :P