Fictionfolk Ask Game p.2

from @/kaboom--bitch Fictionfolk Ask Game. i'll answer 6 at a time.

> Have you told any people in your online life about your fictional identity and gotten a positive reaction?

Of course I have. It's easier, and makes sense as I am from that kind of culture. My factchara and past lives are spoken about by me as if they are attributes to me instead of who I am. I am a factchara, I am a past life, as I have chosen to embody it through elaferi culture and literal shapeshifting as euphoria. I don't intend to speak like this about myself for too long, maybe up until I have finally done the big shapeshift and have done the evaluation.

A positive reaction? I'd say yes for the most part. No fighting, no trying to kill each other, but clear and cut dry talk about how it affects me and what it means to be me once more in a different body. The language used when speaking about irl fictionals is strange because it implies that said fictional is not who they say they are but instead it is just a part of them that they have labeled and claimed, especially in regards to them wanting to be physically fictional.

> Is there anyone you've met as a result of your interactions in the community who's very important to you now?

Not exactly. Again, I am who I am. I don't expect folk to be jumping on my lap to tell me about how important to the morale or the plot I am. I simply am written in history. That is all that I can comprehend.

> What's your favourite thing about the fictionfolk community?

I prefer the company of irl fictionals, so.. that side of the community.

> Tell us about a time you've experienced species/identity euphoria as a result of one of your fictional identities.

I am physically transitioning fictionally and I have done one body mod, scarification. On my upper lip, there is a small but dark noticable scar from cutting with a razor over days. I plan on making it bigger as time goes to give the hue and size that I want. I am cleaning it and making sure it doesn't get infected so I know what I want in terms of becoming myself. Other times, it includes clothing like a white long sleeve under my collared work shirt, then it's me on DHEA, where my voice is deeper and I actually feel a bit better in terms of speaking.

> Do you experience any shifts (mental, phantom, dream, etc) of your fictional identity? Share a bit about those and how they feel!

I experience exomemories, physical sensations and anxiety, hallucinations, and fantasy episodes related to the ship and my factchara. Sometimes, I can induce a shift where my soul overlays onto this one and I feel both at the same time. Intense shit. Most of the shifting is physical and feels comforting to align both bodies so I can have "both" I guess.

Exomemories are harsh and sudden, which usually stem from being triggered or slightly pressured about my previous life. I get flashbacks and my eyes gloss over, can't move at times. Hallucinations involve the same kind of thing, but they have a lot more derealization and disassociation. I get numb and I start seeing things in the corner of my eyes and I can't stay in the dark for too long. Fantasy episodes comprise long winded daydreams that feel like I am physically experiencing them, if the episode breaks, then I noticed that I jump and scare easily. Most of my fantasy episodes are violent flashbacks or "what ifs" used to punish me for my behavior, usually at the imaginary suffering of those around me.

Physical shapeshifting feels stronger than all these. I usually use a splitting method where I forcibly create a surrounding that will pull out the factchara/past life's physical sensations of a familiar place. Then, if I get past that, energy is fed into my body so I can shift my personality, brain, behavior, physical appearance and demeanor, and my thoughts. Basically, I am forcing my soul to feel uncomfortable in this body by tricking it's senses into believing that it's in their original body so that it forces me to change to externally represent myself as Jimmy.

> Do you have any canonmates (if applicable)?

Not that I know of. I have exomemories I will end up talking about but I never actually met anyone who knows of the story in the way I remember it. Probably for the best given that I am at least, always 100% depicted as a cis man who harmed a cis woman rather than a nonbinary person who harmed a bigender person. I don't think the news, the current storytellers, or Pony Express wants to admit there was gendered nuance on the ship at the time, mostly because it would give people like us a bad rep. It's not it was just me and Anya, we were just the ones a bit louder about it because of how we grew up and where we grew up. The real captain couldn't explore any of that, so he's a straight man in the news. The kid was probably compensating for something and the old geezer had a wife and kids - I don't mess around in any one else's private life besides Anya's.