back on it

im back and i wonder why i am. im trying to simplify myself, it is 2005 summer after all. I bought an ipod, an ihome, all the necessary accouterment. I collect cds, listen to alexisonfire, journal, read my stories on my phone instead of doom scroll, i go to delilahs for dollar beer night, and try to live like i things feel real. time moved to fast at some point and suddenly it was now and not then.

the band is going, kat left so we regroup. we're really forced to actually figure things out, with her there it felt like we had a safety net that knew what was going on. but now theres nothing there to help us and we have to figure it out ourselves. keeping them in line gives me migraines even though i love them. im going through the methods to find our pemdas. and i think its coming. i feel like we're actually making what i intended now. we might have a new drummer but we must finish the demo first. we're going to cover bury me in black though. wish i was confident in singing but it feel impossible, but listening to demos from my favourite bands help. 

idk things are happening i think.

but i still feel like a vampires victim without the benefit of vampirism. im drained and drained of blood because it's easier than resistance but im left with less each time. and i cant help it.

why do i keep typing? girl just watch jersey shore and drink aloe water.....