Martial Arts

About 20 years ago down in so-cal, my brother and I were practicing kyeok sul in the driveway. 

I was performing a kata and accidentally thrusted ki energy from a lunging double palm strike Kamehameha beam directly into the forehead (third eye) of one of the girls about 15 feet away in the audience. The girl immediately fell to the ground and started to have some kind of a seizure. She had gone commando in a mini skirt that evening and had exposed herself during her epileptic tumble.You have to understand, this shit is for real. My brother panicked. He suggested that we call an ambulance, to which I shook my head and responded, “No, we aren’t calling an ambulance, we have to call the Grand Master.” 

It was about 2 or 3 AM so we figured he was probably asleep but we decided to test our luck anyway. I pulled out my little flip-phone because that’s what we had back in the day and called.

Luckily, Grand Master had awoken from his slumber to take a shit just in time to notice his Motorola razr notification light flashing. He answered, “gurandu a masuteru supeekingu.” We explained to him what was going on and he was adamant that we should NOT call an ambulance because the power of our art is beyond the comprehension of even the greatest practitioners of western, so-called, “medicine,” and the girl would likely die in their care. Her body was overflowing with FEAR and there is no vaccine for that. He said, carefully enunciating, “do not take her to the hospital, they won’t know what to do; they won’t understand; they’ll just kill her.” Sip Dan Sensei then told us step by step instructions of how to solve the problem we had created when we lost ourselves in a careless kung fu fever dream. It was time to atone; time to get down to business. 

Her eyes were rolling back. She was all rigid and shakey and drooling, farting etc. I performed a series of energy movements and shouted in Korean. My brother intimidated the crowd by posing with his legs spread and knees bent with his palms flat, facing outward from his gyrating hips while saying, “don’t call the fucking cops, you people don’t understand the power in these hands, it’s electric.” 

After about 100 seconds the girl regained consciousness and woke up having an intense screaming orgasm and she squirted all over me. She cried out, “incredible! I never knew! You must teach me your ways senpai! I will do anything?” “Hmmm, anything?” I responded. “Yes” she said with tears in her eyes and a cute little line of snot dripping from her nostril onto her lip. She smelled like piss. 

“No girls allowed in my dojo, babe.” The crowd stood in awe. 

So, like I was saying, I never would have believed in the power myself if I hadn’t seen it firsthand. You might think Thai kwon do is a hokey pokey woo woo silly BS joke and you can just strong arm your way thru life… You’re wrong. To use this power correctly and efficiently you must be as gentle as Harambe and strike like a declawed kitty cat.