Entry 7 – Unexpected Hiatus [16/07/2025]

Hello, reader.

It’s been a while. As the title states, the one-and-a-half-month gap was not intentional, and I genuinely do not know what happened. Other than being on vacation for nine days, I sort of just… didn’t feel like writing. My tiredness levels were the same, but my inclination to updating this blog was, for some reason, not. (Maybe it was me getting tired of writing in the same notebook, but as I said, it’s like 90% a mystery.) Anyways, now that I’m finally trying to get back to it, I’ll try to give a chronological recap of the time I was gone.

Firstly, I’ve essentially been macrodosing the album The Shark in Your Water by Flower Face. I’ve had a few songs already in my playlists since 2023, but listening to the whole album as a singular unit is a recent revelation. It makes me feel things, especially the song Isobel (my current favourite) and Paper Doll (my all-time favourite). And it especially makes me feel sad; and it’s really nice to be able to feel sad, instead of just an unidentifiable tangled mass of bad. I lay down on my back, put something over my eyes (usually my arm or a jacket sleeve – don’t @ me I got beef w/ eye masks), and simply listen to the album and try to feel it entirely. I’ve noticed that simply laying down – with the music or without – is great for processing my emotions; including those that have been repressed for the past three years due to not having enough time and space to deal with them back then. A literal description I have of this is that it feels like unclogging the pores on your nose – it’s oily and goopy but extremely satisfying to finally have them clear.

Secondly, Varigo Week happened. It was very cool to be able to participate in what was basically a celebration of two of my favourite characters, and to witness all the art and writing that everyone else came up with. (Another shameless but relevant plug: here’s my art for the event.) However, it was precisely at this time that my computer’s hard drive failed and every process became several times slower, so the drawing experience for the first few days was incredibly frustrating to the point of me just about relapsing. Anyhow, I switched to my sister’s old laptop after day 3, and that was a lot better.

And thirdly, the trip to Vienna. It was decent. Travelling during burnout is not a great experience to begin with, but the place is nice. I particularly enjoyed the public transport, it was very satisfying. But I was very tired the whole time and on the verge of a meltdown for a good portion of the time, so I’m not keen on recounting the whole trip in detail. Just know that it happened, and that Europe is a pretty cool place. Maybe I’ll revisit this topic in the future, who knows. We also got stuck during our return flights in Doha airport for 18 hours due to the airspace being closed (due to literal missiles flying overhead). That bit was not good, would not recommend. I’m glad that I got back home. I have pinecone n

The half month after that was kind of a blur. Predictably, I spent a few days taking some intense and much-needed rest. But I low-key cannot remember the rest of what I did these past few days. Or I guess, those ten days, because the last 3-5 have been very different. I’ll get to that in a minute, but first I’ll give what details I can about the first ten. Holy flip this is a convoluted paragraph, but honestly – I don’t really care; it still makes sense.

Anyways, I’ve been scrolling a lot of YouTube shorts, and particularly this channel called Japan Eat. His manner of speaking seems to have obnoxiously leaked into my current style of writing – but I’ve always preferred kind of blunt writing, so maybe that’s a good thing. Also a lot of reuploaded memes, some other channels, and my usual Shorts mixtape but I cannot really remember that right now. I honestly don’t think I want to either. Not that the content itself was something I’m afraid to share, but because I’d rather remember more interesting stuff. idk like what bro I’m kinda rambling uhh-

On July 5^th, I stayed up the whole night talking to <X3w69MW3> on call, and then we watched the sunrise together (like from our own homes) (also his society is right next to mine but he unfortunately couldn’t see my house from the building he was on, but it’s cool as heck that he was like a hundred-ish metres from me). Talked to him for about 7 hours 15 minutes in total. He didn’t really have a sleep schedule at that point, but this was my first official all-nighter. Peak life experience. I also mentioned this in a Tumblr post.

And finally, for the most recent events. I have started mild antidepressants/mood stabilisers (and multivitamins). They seem to be working, because I’ve had a lot more energy the past few days. Or maybe the burnout is finally coming to a close. I can’t make any conclusions just yet though, because it might just be me masking again due to design coaching classes having started. But I hope that things are getting better. I’m still slower at tasks and more tired than what I think is the average person, but I think that might be a permanent thing. And I might just be okay with that, because if I accept my limits then I’m a lot less frustrated with myself and I can actually give myself rest. There was a better way to word this somewhere in my head, but the important part right now is to act on it. Again, maybe I’ll revisit this topic someday. But for now, this makes sufficient sense. Also, forgot to mention, but I read a fanfic that involved a trans character and the writing of said character made me feel better about my own body (additional notes: I’ve been leaning towards a more masculine gender identity, because that seems to click better right now).

Okay this doesn’t really fit into the previous paragraphs but I watched Whitepine 7 as it premiered yesterday. and I. I. I. fjkdls;gjklsg;’hgkh;gfd. holy moly-

jaw on t he floor. the soundtrack at the end qwqwqwq ,,,,, my heart 💔💔💔💔

Anyways, I have more notes (and reblogs!) regarding that on my Tumblr, but I don’t want to link them right now, just go dig them up yourself if you want, but it’s really just the same feels. In other news, I logged back into my Instagram account last night (or technically today, since it was past midnight), after several months of being off of it. And I posted something for the first time ever, and that was definitely an experience. By the way, this was probably triggered by <I6WmjxEz> sending me a screen recording of some of her makeup stories, and me being the yearning creature that I am (and also spotting <EvXM4qnT>?? I didn’t know she was on there).

Alright, so, I have been writing for over an hour now, and I low-key don’t think I’m gonna proofread this. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t. But the point is, I’ve said all that I wanted to say for this entry, and I don’t really have a conclusion. But honestly, do I ever? Remember to drink water and give yourself rest; take care and peace out.

P.S. This was nice, I really should continue doing this. Maybe I could post it to another site as well, to expand my audience a bit.

P.P.S. I hilariously() forgot to mention this but I caved and started re-reading Percy Jackson for the fourth time (the first three were in 2018, 2019, and 2020). I'm around halfway through The Sea of Monsters now.