[S] where i've been!

WHEEWWW it's been like. a little over a year since i genuinely started using this site so i decided to redo my page again!!!! something i've wanted to do for a while!! and that means a new blog layout too!!!! it took me like. 4 hours. ToT

now one or two of you might be wondering what i've been up to lately so i figured i'd post a lil update!

as of may 25th, i am DONE with HIGH SCHOOL!!!! that's right, this girl is going into college next year!! and by next year i mean exactly 3 months from then in august. :P

i'm excited, kind of, a little, but i'm mostly anxious for it. it's not helped with how i'm trying to gauge whether or not it's even okay for me to be here among others. i worry my presence is a burden to those around me and i find myself questioning whether or not i should continue on at this point. things have just been a lot, lately! i'm just a puppy and i just want to be loved! i wish i could just let myself be instead of trying to convince myself everyone hates me when they probably don't!!

in other, more positive news: i won a scholarship with my golf program and got to see the tail end of the LPGA tournament, so that earned me a cool $5,000 and a neat windows laptop! it's rather low-end, but with how tech is advancing (and how I use these things most of the time,) that really means "i can't run roblox and fortnite" and that's kind of it. it does most of what i want it to do fine!
i'm getting sick of chrome, though. i have 4 tabs open (this, a google images page, an image hyperlink, and a youtube video) and 72% of my 16 gb of ram are being used. XP

i also recently got back from a trip to abu dhabi!! we went to go see family for a week, then spent time at a couple of hotels in dubai for another. it was very fun and i think what i'll miss the most once i actually start transitioning and coming out. :'[

in less serious news, i've fixated HARD on both deltarune and zenless zone zero. i think when deltarune dropped and i wasn't able to buy it for 15 minutes that was the worst 15 minutes of my entire year. absolute banger of a game. i've also been getting back into atlyss, but it's only been two days so we'll see if that lasts. :P

zzz is also super fun!!!!! i'm currently waiting for server maintenance to end so i can pull for yuzuha!! :D wish me luck fellas

anyways that's the most of what i have to say. i hope to start drawing soon! though that really depends on me actually just doing it instead of procrastinating. lol 
i hope everyone is doing good <3 take care of yourself!!!