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Chapter 1: Evilija Summons a Demon (But Gets Pizza Guy Kyle)
Evilija stood in her basement surrounded by candles, empty Red Bulls, and one confused possum. “Time to summon darkness,” she whispered, flipping through a spellbook she definitely bought from Etsy.
She chanted weird words that sounded like Taco Bell Spanish. Purple smoke filled the room. Suddenly — POOF! — a guy in a pizza uniform appeared.
“Uhhh... I think you summoned me?” said Kyle, holding a greasy box labeled “FROM THE VOID (extra cheese).”
Mia, on a beanbag, immediately Snapchatted it. Sasha side-eyed Kyle and muttered, “Of course Evilija summoned a straight dude.”
Jency crashed through the window with a crowbar and a bag of Hot Cheetos. “WHO SUMMONED KYLE???”
Lera rode in on a scooter with a raccoon in her backpack. “I felt the energy. Also, my scooter’s name is Beyoncé.”
Mia and Sasha made eye contact. Too long. Made Kyle uncomfortable.
“I hate everything,” Evilija whispered, eating a candle.
Chapter 2: Aliens Want Our Cereal and Our Sanity
At 3:14 a.m. the sky did the Harlem Shake and a toaster-shaped UFO crashed in Evilija’s yard.
A slime-dripping alien named Blörg screamed, “GIVE US YOUR FROOT LOOPS OR FACE THE BEANS OF PAIN!”
Mia in a unicorn onesie held a cereal box. “I licked them. They’re mine.”
Sasha threw a spoon at Blörg with sniper precision.
Mia whispered, “You’re so hot when you’re aggressive.” Sasha blushed.
Jency climbed on the spaceship yelling, “I AM YOUR QUEEN NOW, TAKE ME TO TARGET.”
Evilija tried Latin on the alien using Duolingo. Blörg screamed louder.
Lera pulled out a laser made from recycled iPhones. “Guess we’re doing this.”
Kyle was still eating leftover pizza.
Chapter 3: Sasha and Mia Can’t Handle Feelings So They Explode (Emotionally)
Back in the basement, Mia and Sasha sat near each other. Not too close. Lesbian Close™.
“I like your hair clips,” Mia mumbled.
Sasha froze. “I like your whole face.”
Jency dropped a hammer. “FOR THE LOVE OF SOUP, JUST KISS.”
Mia panicked and gave Sasha a rubber duck. Sasha took it like it was sacred.
They stared.
Mia: “Wanna hold hands?”
Sasha: “Only if we die after.”
They reached for hands. Then stopped.
Jency screamed and jumped out the window.
Chapter 4: Satan Sends a Lawyer Goat
Knock knock. A goat in a pinstripe suit with a briefcase showed up.
“Evilija, you’re being sued by Hell. You promised to summon Satan but summoned Kyle.”
Kyle was asleep in the kitchen with pineapple pizza on his face.
Mia and Sasha BURST in riding a hoverboard made of glitter and resentment.
“WE’RE MEGA LESBIANS NOW,” Mia yelled.
Sasha shouted, “AND YOU CAN’T SUE OUR BESTIE!”
They kissed. The goat exploded. The basement grew vines. The Wi-Fi got stronger.
Lera gave a TED Talk on queer rage. Jency threw the goat briefcase into the sun.
Chapter 5: Moon Soup War Begins
Lera hacked NASA with a toaster. “I’m Moon Queen now,” she said, sipping Mountain Dew.
Her first law: “WE DECLARE WAR ON TOMATO SOUP.”
No one asked why.
“I’m making garlic bread grenades,” Evilija said.
“I’ll ride a war pigeon,” Jency said.
Sasha and Mia held hands for 3 days straight.
Mia: “If I die, delete my Pinterest.”
Sasha: “If I die, delete your ex’s number.”
They kissed. The moon shook.
Chapter 6: Battle Prep and Emotional Damage
Jency trained raccoons. Evilija taught haunted dolls to curse soup. Lera made battle plans with crayons.
Mia and Sasha practiced lesbian combat (mostly dramatic sighs and glitter bombs).
“I made a playlist,” Mia said.
“I wrote a poem in soup,” Sasha said.
They kissed. Power went out.
Evilija threatened to hex their houseplants if they kissed again mid-battle.
Chapter 7: The Soup Battle
Moon battlefield covered in soup. Soup with eyes.
Lera wore tin foil screaming, “SOUP GETS NO RIGHTS!”
Evilija yelled ancient Vine quotes.
Jency skateboarded through explosions screaming, “I’M UNHINGED!”
Mia and Sasha dodged ladles, threw support Pop-Tarts.
Tomato launched. Mia tackled Sasha.
“Don’t die,” Mia whispered.
“You’re too pretty,” Sasha whispered.
They kissed midair. Time stopped. Soup stopped. Even Beyoncé paused.
Chapter 8: Soup Defeated, But Cereal Threatens
Soup army surrendered. Blörg DJ’d a victory rave.
Mia and Sasha slow danced in zero gravity.
Kyle glittered.
Lera turned moon into gay republic.
Evilija summoned cursed cereal box whispering “We’re next.”
Everyone screamed.
Jency threw it into black hole but it laughed.
“We must fight cereal,” Lera said.
“I want a nap,” Mia whispered.
No sleep in apocalypse.
Chapter 9: Satanic Panic! at the Pizza Place Band
Evilija’s band formed: drums (Jency), DJ (Lera), bass (Sasha), scream (Mia).
First concert at haunted Chuck E. Cheese.
Mia screamed so loud a portal opened.
Beyoncé floated down.
“I HEARD THERE WAS GAY,” she said.
Crowd exploded. Kyle glittered.
Mia and Sasha kissed in front of Beyoncé.
Earth clapped. Mars wept.
Chapter 10: William the Fabulous Femboy Crashes the Party
Sky shattered. Out fell William — the femboy chaos prince.
Face-first into kiddie pool of expired Capri-Suns.
Glittery thigh-high boots, pastel crop top “Chaos Queen,” sharp eyeliner.
Jency choked on glow Takis.
Lera: “William, Shadow Realm’s fabulous banished prince of chaos.”
William flipped lavender bob. “Allergic to soup, cereal, and boring vibes.”
Sasha gave him death glare, eyes locked on Mia.
“Cool, but my heart? Totally Mia’s. Don’t try.”
Mia blushed brighter than William’s boots.
William pulled broken Wii remote. “I bring chaos.”
Mia grabbed Sasha’s hand. Sasha squeezed like universe depended on it.
Sky rumbled. Cereal boxes twitched.
William winked, “Ready to wreak fabulous havoc?”
Mia: “Only if you don’t steal my girl.”
Sasha kissed Mia like the world was ending.
William whispered, “Whatever you want, queen.”
Chapter 11: William’s Glitter Grenade Glitch
William’s glitter grenade exploded in sparkles, rainbows, and angry cat confetti.
Cereal mascots sneezed glitter, froze.
“Oops,” William giggled. “Gay Fog of Fabulous Doom?”
Sasha rolled eyes, secretly impressed.
Mia: “Maybe don’t throw that near my face?”
William winked, “No promises, babe.”
Chapter 12: Hot Cheeto Rocket and Lesbian Love Shield
Jency’s Hot Cheeto rocket fueled by rage and snacks.
Mia and Sasha’s garlic bread shields blocked mascots.
Evilija threw glitter bombs.
Sasha kissed Mia, “If we die, I haunt your Starbucks.”
Mia laughed, “Deal. Extra whipped cream.”
Mascots exploded into cinnamon-smelling dust.
Chapter 13: William Tries Ballet, Creates Chaos
William in tutu spun so fast he made mini black hole sucking Kyle’s pizza and half of Jency’s raccoon.
“Uh, sorry,” William shrugged glitter falling.
Sasha smiled, “You’re chaos incarnate.”
Mia kissed him, “Our fabulous disaster.”
Chapter 14: Epic Ice Cream Date
War over. Crew chilled at neon ice cream stand run by holographic llama.
Mia and Sasha held hands.
William twirled glitter parasol humming show tunes.
“Ice cream fixes all,” Mia said.
Sasha: “Especially staring at you.”
William: “Can I be your gay hype man?”
Jency: “Only if you don’t blow up the place.”
Chapter 15: Glitter Zombies Attack
Evilija’s phone buzzed:
“GLITTER ZOMBIES INFEST CITY.”
Lera facepalmed, “Apocalypse isn’t over.”
Mia sighed, “At least we have each other... and William’s grenades.”
Sasha kissed Mia, “Bring it on.”
William posed, “Let’s sparkle and slay.”
Chapter 16: Glitter Zombies vs Lesbian Love
The glitter zombies shuffled toward the city, leaving sparkly footprints and occasional disco beats.
William pulled out his glitter grenade arsenal. “Time to make it rain fabulous!”
He threw a grenade. Glitter exploded everywhere, making zombies start breakdancing instead of attacking.
Sasha held Mia close, whispering, “Only you make me feel this alive.”
Mia blushed, “Even with zombies and glitter raining down?”
Sasha kissed her hard. Zombies cheered? Or maybe it was just the sparkle.
Chapter 17: Evilija’s Soup-Summoning Soup
Evilija, bored with all this glitter and dancing zombies, decided to summon an ultimate soup.
She accidentally created a sentient, angry broccoli cheddar monster named “Souper Doom.”
Souper Doom chased everyone with a ladle.
Jency rode a raccoon like a wild west cowboy yelling, “GET OFF MY LAWN!”
William pirouetted to confuse the monster but accidentally summoned a glitter tornado.
Mia and Sasha just held hands and waited for the mess to settle.
Chapter 18: Sasha’s Declaration (The Mega Lesbo Moment)
Sasha finally couldn’t hold it in.
In the middle of a glitter storm, she dropped to one knee in front of Mia.
“Listen, Mia, I’m not just your girlfriend — I’m your mega lesbo for life. I wanna fight cereal wars, battle soup beasts, and glow in the dark with you forever.”
Mia started crying glitter tears.
“I’m yours, Sasha. Forever and always.”
They kissed so hard even the broccoli cheddar monster stopped and stared.
Chapter 19: William’s Fashion Show Apocalypse
William decided the apocalypse needed a fashion makeover.
He threw glitter like confetti and declared a runway battle between soup monsters, cereal mascots, and the crew.
Evilija made a broccoli hat for Souper Doom.
Jency dyed her raccoon neon pink.
Lera hacked a drone to shoot rainbow lasers.
Sasha and Mia walked the runway hand-in-hand, glowing with love and garlic bread armor.
William snapped pictures for “Apocalypse Vogue.”
Chapter 20: The Final Showdown — Lesbian Love Powers Activate
Cereal mascots, soup monsters, glitter zombies, and whatever else showed up lined up for the ultimate battle.
Mia and Sasha held each other, their love radiating so bright it formed a giant lesbian love laser.
William, riding a raccoon, threw glitter grenades left and right.
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