whats the point?

I have always been an uncomfortable person in my life; I mean that I never felt good in any environment I was in. It was difficult to understand my own personality, character, and life over time; I felt nonexistent. I don't remember much of my childhood, but my personality is not something that suddenly emerged; I have always been this way, but in my adolescence, my personality became uncontrollable to the point of not being able to recognize how little I knew about myself. Since I was 12, I went through many stages and difficult events in my life that didn't seem to matter to me, but affected me internally, like slowly rotting inside. From that age, I felt a very strong emptiness; it was depression. I spent part of my adolescence with depression and a lack of understanding of myself, especially at 16. At that age, I would say that things happened to me that I needed to realize that no one is there for you, and no one will understand you; therefore, you are the one who is there for yourself. Bad influences or the bad examples that the people around you give can also affect you, especially if you are someone who sinks into sadness and anger and does not understand how malicious people can be, even those closest to you. And I am not referring to bad influences like drugs, alcohol, sex... I am referring to people without their own lives... puppets, manipulators, narcissists, envious, egocentric, proud, ordinary, false, hypocritical, shameless, ignorant, unfriendly, etc., etc., etc... At 16, I could see all kinds of things; it was the age when I studied humans the most and how stupid they can be. I was always a very observant and reserved person, but at 16, I absorbed everything they did to me, making me just like them. Humans are very moldable in a social aspect, and I only did that as a defense; And I don't mean moldable in a social sense, and I only did that as a defense; I molded myself with a personality that was totally different from mine to protect it, so that no one could see my vulnerable side. Note, I didn't become the same shit as the others; I just pretended to be it in my own way, which made me stand out, and that's why many people hated me since none of them have their own criteria; they are practically controlled by their social group or even their family. At the end of that stage, I was finally able to distance myself from everything again and return to my true personality, which was still under construction until I turned 17, which is now. Well, I keep looking for my path and I keep trying to understand myself every day; it's not easy, but now I don't see it as tedious, I see it as an adventure. I've changed many things, I even socialize more, I no longer feel so uncomfortable, and I try to enjoy some moments to remember them in a good way and not with sadness, anger, or resentment, like most of my memories. I've also realized that I've gotten so used to being alone that distancing myself without leaving any trace behind has become something normal for me, without realizing that I'm hurting so many people. For some strange reason, people become very attached to me, and I have the bad habit of disappearing when something isn't going well, so that I can reflect and not fall back, and I don't realize the damage I do, as I don't notice that there is that they love me and that they truly care about me, because I have normalized that people would just throw shit at me. life is very strange...It's like an ocean, you'll never know what's inside it because of how deep it is. Sometimes it's warm, sometimes it can kill you with hypothermia, sometimes it has gentle and warm waves, and other times it can destroy everything around it. That's why the concept of the ocean interests me; it resembles me. It's ironic because the ocean sometimes scares me, but other times I love it. So...whats the point of all this shit I just wrote? The point is to understand that in life, you need a balance, without stopping being yourself.