Grieving of my lost culture

Now hi, im Fin/Finley whatever you wanna call it and i usually dont make these type of blogs

Usually it's art but right now im starting to miss my culture. You see i was born in the Bicol region in the Philippines and i love my culture, the spice the heat the people i love it but part of me mourns when i try looking who my ancestors were and was either told i have a somewhat spanish heritage (from colonization) and the native people of my region, Agta are mocked and whenever someone mentioned a person acting money like or barbaric they'd say they're like an 'agta'

Which saddens me, i only knew recently what Agta really meant and thought it was an insult before, 

I wanna connect with my ancestry I really do, but im light skinned and look more Spanish than pinoy and...im just lost, i see indigenous culture being practiced in the Philippines which makes me happy but also mournful whenever i try looking my culture, Bicolano, Bicolandia, my Agta ancestors and see well, nothing... My ancestors were mocked, seen as barbaric and Filipinos today more or less want to be anything BUT pinoy, it saddens me

Well to end in a silver lining i guess my few remnants of culture were 'albularyo' witch doctors that can heal people, and helped younger me's tummy ache. Though my grandma from my dad's side wasn't one memories of her putting rice on my stomach and doing things that help me feel better were a beautiful memory i will forever cherish

I really REAALLY wished pinoys weren't so scared of embracing their indigenous ancestors, at least bring honor to them