summer has restored my childlike whimsy

it's been quite a while since i last posted here! honestly, too many things have happened to get into (i still want to post about my trip to japan!!!), from graduating high school to getting into university to doing all kinds of lovely things with my friends whilst simultaneously stressing about school, extracurriculars, scholarship applications, and APs. 

i'm extremely glad i'm done with high school, especially since i was hit with autistic burnout this year, but there's also some kind of sadness to it. there's not much of the actual experience that i'll miss, but it's odd that this time in my life is ending. i have to be an adult now kind of. i'm moving away in the fall, even if it's only for 8 months and i'm living with my grandma. things are odd. but first i must enjoy the summer!

and i have been enjoying the summer!

i've been doing lots of fun things with my friends. we tried to hang out a lot at the beginning of summer break, before my friends start working and going on trips. personally i am unemployed, which leaves lots of time to pick up new hobbies, read, and blog.

here is a lovely picnic my friends and i had shortly before the school year came to an end! we sat in a secluded corner of a local park, where we pretended nobody could hear us loudly gossip. all the food was very tasty. i made the pasta salad!

this picnic was also sort of a set-up, so that we could help our friend's girlfriend "prompose" to her. it was excellent! my friend didn't suspect a thing, we were having so much fun at the picnic. she was very happy about the "promposal" and got a beautiful bouquet of flowers from her girlfriend.

speaking of flowers, here's a little face reveal of me at my graduation ceremony! my parents gave me the prettiest bouquet ever. my beloved stuffie, baby donnie from TMNT, is also featured in this picture because he is my son.

i can't describe how much i love those flowers! i feel like the uniqueness of the bouquet really shows how much my family knows me. i'm so lucky to have them c:

plus, my community-themed grad cap that i made myself:

in the period following this i...

• had a little party at my friend's house!
• went to the beach with my friends and classmates, and got ABSOLUTELY HORRIFICALLY SUNBURNT TO A CRISP even though i diligently applied sunscreen. i had a second degree (?) sunburn in 2023 and since then i've been very careful! but the sun has no mercy. 
• had a group crying session at my friend's house when she put on slipping through my fingers </3
• got back into deltarune!!!
• went to prom! i thought i wouldn't have fun, but for the most part, i did!
• made a bunch of crepes and waffles with my friends

(donnie pictured once more hee hee)

about two weeks ago, i was seized, in the middle of the night, with the uncontrollable urge to make pies. i think this was a combination of my nostalgia for the "blueberry pie summers" of childhood, and all the deltarune i've been playing (kris is rubbing off on me). 

so far, i've made three pies. though i can't take full credit, since my mom made the dough several months ago and froze it.

this is a blueberry peach pie! it was ridiculously delicious and tasted just like summer.

this one is a cherry pie! it wasn't as good as the blueberry peach pie, but it was still very tasty.

i also made a butterscotch cinnamon pie in honour of deltarune, but it was not aesthetically pleasing so i didn't take a photo LOL. i only have enough frozen dough left for a shell, so i'm going to make another butterscotch pie. it was actually my favourite of the three i've made.

i've been spending more time alone, trying my best to feel mindful and regulated. i'm super happy with how my life is going, honestly, but one thing i want to work on is spending more time reading and less time on screens. i might make another post about that...

i've been trying to get out into nature as much as i can. i want to go on more walks and explore different areas. i live in the suburbs, so while there are definitely a lot of trees and nice grassy areas around, it's tough to escape cars. i've been doing a lot of biking, too.

i always notice when trees have these "eye-like" formations. i can't really describe it, but finding the "eyes in the trees" feels sort of sacred, to me. 

as for reading...

i have not been reading as much as i want to. ever since i finished realm of the elderlings in april, i've had a hard time getting into new books. that being said, here are a couple books i've read lately!

• frankenstein by mary shelley
• five little indians by michelle good
• the master and margarita by mikhail bulgakov

these were all incredible. the master and margarita was my favourite of the three - i'm going to be thinking about it for so long, it was so crazy and funny and clever and heart-wrenching. the book i would recommend the most, however, is five little indians. if you're canadian you might have read it already. i don't know how popular it is outside of canada, but it's a poignant and important look at the indigenous residential schools in canada and the impact they had on the indigenous community. very very essential. 

right now i'm reading the pearl by john steinbeck. it's a short one, to refresh after the master and margarita. steinbeck's writing is magical, i love it. 

another thing i've done lately: a second beach day! this time, no burns!!!

the picture is weirdly low-quality for some reason...

my friends and i spent the day at the beach, though it was actually not very sunny or warm! this was good for me, because it meant i didn't get sunburnt. however, it meant the water was freezing cold when we went swimming. but this didn't stop us from playing mermaids.

afterwards, we went to grab pho for dinner, then we went to see a musical! we did the same thing last summer and it was wonderful. however, we drove this time instead of taking public transit, and we could not find parking to save our lives. eventually, we did, but we all argued like an old married couple about the convoluted journey we had to take, just to find an overpriced parking spot.

the musical was great, though! c:

last night my friends slept over and we watched horror movies. we watched insidious (bad but funny) and pearl (good and very unsettling). afterwards, of course, we binged a stupid dating show, a bit of a tradition in my friend group. i love having my friends over, even though we always make a huge mess. even something like watching movies becomes a thousand times more enjoyable when i'm with them.

so, that's how my life has been going! i just realized this is super long. at least most of it is pictures!

sometimes i am taken aback by how beautiful life is, and by how much i love it all. just the other day, i saw a patch of sunlight on the wall and was struck by unexpected emotion. i can feel time passing around me, and it's frightening and melancholy, but also breathtakingly lovely. somehow, the evening sun on the wall encapsulated that feeling.

there are a lot of things i still want to do this summer - i'm actually a bit overwhelmed by all the possibilities, and i was thinking of doing a post about that :P 

i'm trying to take it slow. i'm really looking forward to every new day! i hope everyone is having a lovely and fulfilling summer (or winter depending on the hemisphere)!

i'll end this off with a link to an essay about music, connection, and being human written by the incredible musician AURORA. that idea, of connecting with the world, is one i've had on my mind lately. 

a real human being

thanks for reading!! c: