Being reminded of the dangers of outside

CW: mention of kidnapping, anxieties about crime

(This is kind of a rant blog post. Read if you'd like.) 

I've been back to driving as of recently after not doing that after a couple months. I'd also been stuck in the house for the past 5 years and only going out for like doctor and dentist appointments. So I've pretty much been in my own bubble for quite some time. 

As I've been going out on my own more, I've been more cautious as well. Just the general don't drive at night, be aware of your surroundings, watch for cars that might be following you, and don't stop for suspicious characters. But my grandma has made me more anxious about things and a little irritated? Disappointed in society maybe?

Told her I was gonna go to the bank tomorrow morning and she said, "Take your brother with you." I asked why. She said, "There have been more carjackings happening in the city." Which, yeah they always happen, I feel like this was just her being concerned for my safety but at the same time, she's projecting these anxieties onto me. (It's probably why I have anxiety issues NOW.)

My dad was more subtle with it. He recently asked me what color stun gun I wanted. I said purple, surprising I know, but in this moment it didn't feel like, "YOU SHOULD BE AFRAID. IT'S DANGEROUS OUTSIDE." It felt more like, "You need to protect yourself."

Idk. Maybe I had the privilege to not be aware of these dangers for some time since I just didn't leave the house. But now that I'm trying to gain my independence I have to worry about the people that view me as an object and something to be taken advantage of.

Why must I be escorted for safety everywhere I go just because I'm a woman? Why do I have to scan my surroundings constantly when I'm getting in and out of my car, in fear of someone running up and kidnapping me? 

I'm gonna try not to worry about it that much because it's just gonna stress me out. My rule as a person who overthinks and blows small problems out of proportion is to be caution not afraid. 

Anyway, I needed to get this off my chest. I love my grandma but I feel like she can be a lot at times.