July 12, 2025 (Should Love Hurt This Bad?)

Tell me what you want, since it’s not me. I look at you while you look away. Am I not good enough? Am I not pretty enough? What do I need to correct for you to see me as perfect? How can I be your type? You want me for what you see, but not for what I am. Why do I yearn for something that’s so out of reach? Why do I want someone who can’t see me? Am I just a warm body for your harvest? Do you seek pleasure besides my treasure? glued to the world around you while I rot. How can I be better? How can I be what you want? You’d help everyone before you glance at me. While I sit there patiently, making sure no one harms you, as you forget me. I’d rip myself apart for you to notice me, and you’d walk over me. You’d slit my throat and blame it on me. What can I do to be good enough for you, honestly? Or was I never to be good enough to begin with in the first place? Was I just a body for you? Was all the love a lie?

My love was never secret, my love was quite loud. I loved you regardless of the eyes. I fell for your tactics, and I knew what I was doing. I’m realizing now this is my punishment. Now I lie in a pool of my regrets, and I’m drowning by the second. I’m slipping away and gasping for air as you watch me sink further and further. I know you won’t save me, but I still have hope. I still have hope by the second that eventually you’ll notice me and reach out to me. So I wait patiently and hold on to life a little longer. I’ll never grow stronger from this, I’m getting weaker in all reality. I’m losing myself, I’m losing myself here. Will you glue me back together or shatter me more? Am I damaged goods to you, even though the damage is by your hands? All I want is to be in your arms, even though all you do is cause me harm. I yearn for you and search for you everywhere I turn, while you don’t even notice I’m standing right in front of you. What can I do for your gaze to lie upon me? What can I do for your hands to be placed on me? I know a lot, and I know I let you walk on me, I know that if you needed a step, I’d get down instantly, I know that if you’re cold, I’d give you my warmth. Read between the lines, look at the signs. I know that when you need something, I’ll run in an instant. While you see others, I’m in your blind spot, yet you know I’m still there. I’m trying to be calm, but it hurts. It’s easier to run away than struggle to get through to you. Sorry for my damages, I’ll step away now, not too far though, since I love you, I’ll always be there in case you want to come back. The door will never be closed, not even cracked.

I hate the fact I’ll never see the ugly in you, in my eyes, you’re only gorgeous, and I’m the hideous one for being cut by your blades.