One Year Later - A Celebration of Growth and Progress

im very sorry for how long this post is, it's a lot, and it's honestly a vent because at this point this place feels like a personal diary in a sense. everything is left under the remainder of the post thing, because again, it's a LOT.

around last year, i was friends with these people. at the time, id been friends with them for around a year and a half at most, and up until early to mid 2024, things were pretty good between me and them.

one of them was repetitively dismissive of issues i brought up within the group- like i had to play along to not be scolded, and when i did call them out, i was always met with crocodile tears and never a real apology. it felt like every time i tried to express an issue, he'd find a way to twist it back on me, and make me the problem. i kinda accepted that things were going south when he got upset when i mentioned that self reflection was an option, instead of taking his issues out on other people.

the second one would ghost me over small issues, and lie about it. i asked that he would instead communicate the problem so we could actually work on it, and he never did. he also said he'd try and work on his issues with showing blatant favoritism in the group, and never did. pretty much, the final straw was that he would repeatedly be backhanded towards me for no reason, and say it was "meant as a joke" when i confronted him about it. i asked him to stop multiple times, and he didnt, he even pretended he didn't see the initial message when he had literally responded to it. when i confronted him about not taking me seriously as a friend, he ghosted me (again) and only apologized after i got an (at the time) mutual friend involved with the situation, and he left a very guilt-trippy message that was basically 'apologizing' for the way he's treated me, as if he couldnt have said that before instead of just ghosting me without an explanation again.

the third was honestly not nearly as bad as the other two. however, he both treated my friend poorly on multiple occasions, and constantyl enabled the other two whether he wanted to acknowledge it or not. there was also a chance that he was sending messages i sent to the other two without my knowledge, either as some messed up game of telephone or to talk about me behind my back. he also would get upset if i automatically defended my friend in arguments, as if he didnt do the same for his partner (person number one).

so, last year, i cut them all off.

in reality, i didnt cut them all off on the same day. really i wrote their parts in the order i cut them off. but if i hadn't cut the first one of them off to begin with, i'd probably still be stuck in this group, and i wouldn't be the same as i am now.

it's already been a year since i cut them off.

i remember thinking i'd miss them, or end up going back, but i didnt. and im glad. i remember feeling a lot lighter after i did it, even though it was hard, because sometimes to experience the freedom of the ocean, you need to get rid of the anchor.

im much happier knowing i have people i can express myself around without feeling as though im walking on a tightrope- one wrong move, one wrong statement, and i get ignored, ghosted, or yelled at. one acknowledgement of feeling trapped, and im made out by them to be the one who's really the problem. remind them of basic boundaries i had set, and theyd never hesitate to forget.

but im free.

free of gaslighting, guilt tripping, favoritism, and enabling all of it. free from people who would rather blame me for holding them accountable than actually take accountability.

i'll never have to talk to them, and i'll never have to see them, ever again.

and back then, i thought i'd feel sad about it, but i don't at all. i feel weightless, i feel free.

if any one of them might end up reading this, i dont care. if they get mad about it, they can stay mad. because they're only mad i have a voice now. they're mad im speaking not from a place of pain and sorrow, but from the joy of knowing i've grown since.

ive been able to actually be myself since then, and enjoy parts of myself i never could. so if any one of them is reading this, i dont care.

because the best part of having grown as a person is knowing that the people you've grown out of can't keep you from growing anymore.