Mental illness and the holidays

even though my mom tells me that the reason people are depressed this year is because there alone with no one but how am I here still feeling like this with family around, days drag on so long which is hard to bare for me as depression kicks in but I'm just hoping Christmas day 25th will come sooner, 

I just to at least feel something, getting new things and all it's new, fun, just nice in general.. 

That's how I always felt getting new things I guess, could be another reason why collecting is one of my main hobbies, yeah I know not always healthy, could lead to something not so good but if I know and aware I'll make sure nothing goes too far, 

this is why I want Christmas just to go by already, yes I know it will be over for a whole year to come but again if I know, I know it will be over I just don't want to deal with this mess that is my mind for many long days to come, I just want over with already even if it ends I just want to feel something else.