(Park)life

I almost never post here. Or get on this site in general. It's a bit of a shame, I come back to it every couple of months like some bitter ex who still misses LOLZ

Anyways, hi. My life has changed a lot since 2022. My birthday is actually in about two weeks (July 23) and I'll be 18 (ADULT MOMENT WTFFFF)!!!! I'm also moving to SoCal with my geef (pronouned "gee-eff") and best friend, and I'm gonna be going to college next year. Basically, I'm gonna do community and then apply to a UC. UCLA is my goal but I'll apply to Irvine and Berkeley too. About 1/3 of UC student come from community college. Crazy. So moving means I also have to get a (trigger warning) #job- and I actually made my resume last night. My girlfriend says the format is based on resumes Harvard likes. I'm gonna see if I can get some kind of biomed or laboratory related jobs (if anyone has any suggestions on how I can do that while only having a high school diploma that would be awesome sauce); it looks good on your applications, but I also just want the experience, you know? Finding jobs is hard when you can't do manual labor (I have forearm crutches and I have disability). Life is very hard with PBS (pretty boy syndrome). 

I think I'm going to dye my hair blond. When I was young, I was a blond. Then I turned 12 and suddenly my hair decided to say "fuck all" and go dark ass brown. I was going to get it done professionally, but unfortunately, it's not possible right now. So should I just do it myself? I'm very tempted. Leaving this small Louisiana town just makes me wanna go mad and become some really cool version of myself that exists somewhere within me (I think?). I can't wait for my birthday because I get to see my girlfriend, and I get a Blur jacket. Blur, like the band. Like the title of the blog... you know, "aaaalll the people, so many people, and they aaaalll gooo hand in hand, hand in hand in theeeiirrr- parkliiiife!" I just been listening to their discography lately, and playing the Girls & Boys bass riff. It's addicting (shameless plug to check out my bass tabs heheh)!!! I still need to finish up the B-sides on their self titled album (Blur, the album with Song 2, woo-hoo!!), then it's off to 13. I actually currently have "For Tomorrow" stuck in my head. Britpop has consumed my brain and it's spreading. I have to do some research on Britain soon since I'm currently obsessed with original characters my girlfriend and I made, who are British. Maybe I want to be blond again because I'm subconsciously trying to be Damon Albarn... or my blond British oc (whose first name is my middle name... which is James). Does anyone have any music recs? This is my Spotify account. You can snoop around my playlists and give me some stuff to jam out to!

Both of the original characters I mentioned move to America to attend Harvard. It reminded me again about moving. I sat outside today. It was about 8:11pm and the sun hadn't gone down all the way. It was 100% humidity too. It was an oddly gentle reminder about days and people long gone. I had already accepted that the memories were just that- but I haven't accepted yet that I can only revisit these places in my mind once I am gone from this town. I mean, it's not like our backyard hasn't ever changed since I was 10-12, cause it did; drastically in ways. But it's not like the yard was gone. It's not likely I will see this house again. Only when I sleep. I can't share this... grief with anyone else. I can explain the memories vividly and with ease, but the people who would understand it are no longer in my life. I hope there's a level of fondness when they think about those times, on sticky summer days where hours were lost in the pool and regained on a twin sized mattress in front of the AC. Or maybe I am stuck in the past. It's the nostalgia for a place you can't help but hate and miss. I can't help but think of how depressed my mom will be when I move. She may not say it, but I think I am her rock. I'm always in the house, always there. She can never be truly alone. My dad's side of the family is "supportive," but they definitely don't want me going to California. I'm not sure what their issue about it is, just republicans doing their thing maybe? I don't care. But I will miss them too. It's a complicated thing. Ever since the "falling out" it just hasn't been the same. Like my father is kinder, but grandparents more apprehensive- perhaps I am not what was expected. It's a shame. 

Okay, well that turned pretty depressing. I've been stream of consciousness writing this entire blog (if it wasn't obvious). I'm getting my hair cut tomorrow morning around 10am, and it's currently 3:50 am. To be fair, a lot of my time staying up was watching a movie called "All About Lily Chou-Chou." It's a bit strange, but the cinematography is insanely beautiful. I may need to rewatch to fully understand the puzzle that is the dynamics behind every character, and the importance of Lily Chou-Chou; a character who is really more like a God in this universe. Never seen, only heard by some, filling the now poisoned ether. 

I think it's time for some shut-eye now... or at least trying to get some. I am always thinking about things, and my thoughts keep me awake. Not bad thoughts or overthinking stupid shit, just thoughts about things. 

                                                                                                             As always, 

                                                                                                                 Alexander