dumbest girl on earth

I've never felt smart my whole life and i hate it. There was never really a time in my life where I felt recognized or stood out to people. I was always the shy kid, not very smart, not very dumb. Just average. No other personality trait of mine stood out too. So i guess I started ragebaiting people when i was maybe 7-9. (kinda crazy to  say but yes, its true) I started acting like a dumb blonde, a bimbo, oblivious to everything and I had a valley girl accent. I pretended that  didn't know what common sense was and that worked so well. People were actually interested in me like I was some kind of alien from a foreign land.

This act kinda lingered throughout my whole life and I still act like that subconsciously. I still have that stupid valley girl accent, I still pretend like i dont know what 1+1 is. 

 But its really the way people treat me. I've noticed whenever I say something remotely smart, people just sarcastically praise me lke they didn't expect that from me. Whenever I get a math question right, everybody just acts like its a god-sent miracle. 
I once liked this guy and we were on the topic of politics so I just told him about my stances on donald trump. (he was lwk a trump supporter :/) And he said something to me like "yk girls like you shouldn't feel the need to act smart infront of guys?" he expected me to be clueless on these types of things and when i defended myself, he called me a narcissist. 
My habits are haunting me. And obviously if you're gonna act dumb, people are gonna treat you like you're dumb. Cause and effect. I expected that. But its the way people act like they know me and think they have the right to treat me like shit just because "i'm dumb". They expect me to have no emotions whenever they mock me. Like I'm human too yk???
 xoxo, aisha <3