dumb vent about aroace hate online

it really depends on my mood but i might color code this whole thing to match the colors of the flag, who knows.

honestly, as much as i love how people have learned so much more about the aroace community via fun posts online, i wish people would actually stop and listen to us outside of fun, palatable stuff. i've made posts talking about how often times, it feels like the queer community is fine with everyone interpreting things differently or projecting onto media until it comes to aroace people, and was met with people trying to say "oh, well the media isnt about that-" i know. my point was that the queer community only ever seems to care about the media "not being about that" when it comes to aroace people, because otherwise i never hear a word unless its from homophobic people.

every once in a while, i'll make a post talking about how the only erasure of queer representation other queer people seem perfectly fine on is aroace erasure, and it sucks because it's always done under the guise that they understand both asexuality and aromanticism being spectrums. while that sounds like a good thing, they only say that to focus on the people on those spectrums that are open to relationships/sex, and toss out the ones that arent. every time i bring this up, they try to explain my own orientation to ME. THE PERSON WHO'S AROACE. like, yes i know it's a spectrum, i'm literally on it. YOU'RE the one who doesnt know that, because if you did you wouldn't only represent one part of the spectrum.

this isnt necessarily hate, but i've also tried to post about how some other people in the community will unknowingly repackage the same rhetoric homophobes use against them towards aroace people. phrases like "you just havent found the right person" or "you're just confused" are often said to aroace people by other members of the queer community, and they dont realize that they're just repeating the same things they've been told by homophobes. i pointed this out, and all people focused on was how "homophobes hate when you reverse this logic on them!!!" which... is true, but wasn't at all what i was trying to say, and it very much felt like people were trying to purposely disregard my entire message.

but hey- at least it's not just other queer people hating on us! we also have to deal with the same homophobes the rest of the community does!! i feel like when society finally gets comfortable with non-heteronormative relationships being a thing, we then have to convince everyone to perhaps finally acknowledge how forced allonormativity is in society, because even if people can understand two people of the same gender being in a relationship, a lot you guys still think that being in a romantic relationship (let alone experiencing romantic/sexual attraction to begin with) is a necessary part of life. it isnt, regardless of what label you use. stop asking me when im gonna get a boyfriend or girlfriend, because the answer is "probably not before ragnarok."

lastly, it sucks that under some posts, i dont even have to bring up being aroace for people to start complaining. i've had people tell me in comments that im "not aroace" because "that's not a thing and is just a fun way of saying [i'm] not interested in dating" newsflash, asshat: there's plenty of people who aren't aroace OR interested in dating, i just happen to be aroace and uninterested! i've had people say it's "probably a hormone issue," when i know it isn't, because you can find people sexually or romantically attractive and still not be interested in dating them. i know some people are probably reading this and thinking it's "sad" i'll have to die alone, but the truth is, i never am. because there's always some allo person breating their unwanted opinions down my neck.

Sincerely,

a Very Tired Aroace Person