2:16PM / still inside this body ( poem ) (TW : Overdose, panic, physical distress, mental health crisis )

it’s 2:16pm.
i took too many pills last night.
again.
i thought i’d sleep it off.
but i didn’t sleep.
i just woke up in pieces.

my teeth won’t stop chattering.
my body won’t stop shaking.
i’m freezing but sweating.
my thighs are cold like metal
and it hurts.
from my lower stomach
all the way up.
like something’s pulling,
tightening,
trying to crack me open from the inside.

i can’t swallow right.
my throat’s dry
but when i try to drink
i forget how to do it.
i forget how to just… be a body.

i don’t know if this is a panic attack
or if i’m dying.
i don’t know what’s normal anymore.
i don’t know if this is what overdose feels like,
or withdrawal,
or just regret
trying to kill me slowly.

my heart’s going so fast.
too fast.
like it wants out.
like it doesn’t trust me anymore.

and i don’t blame it.

i’m scared.
really scared.
but i don’t know who to call.
or if i even deserve to.

so i’m just writing this.
in case anyone out there
has ever felt like they’re stuck inside a body
that’s trying to leave without them.

you’re not alone.
even if it feels like it.