random poem :)

The version I never became

The world learned how to spin without me like were all records and I just never got a needle I blinked and everyone grew roots while I’m still driftwood crashing through days I feel like don’t belong in.

 i wear my past like an ill fitting coat some of my buttons are missing the sleeves of the coat soaked  in what if s the spine is stitched with choices i made when I didn’t know how to choose and now i live in the regret  of that girl the one who said yes when she meant maybe the one who stayed silent when she should’ve screamed.

 sometimes I close my eyes and see where the road started to split instead of it being that one straight path that was decorated with rainbows and smiling faces but now theres a left and right . left is the life I have right is a shimmering maybe decorated in everything I never got to be what if I took one more breath before deciding would I still wake up in this version of me or would I be a fog instead of a thunderstorm.

 the mirror doesn’t know my name anymore she looks at me like a stranger who borrowed my face but wears it all wrong I carry the shame of my past like a song that is just stuck in my head and nothing will make the familiar and  out of tune rhythm stop just for a moment.

 they say everything happens for a reason but some reasons are just pieces of a map that lead nowhere some mistakes don’t teach they just haunt but still if I could rewind even a second change just one trembling domino would I still be me or would I vanish like fog in morning light beautiful and forgotten gone before anyone even started to care.

 p.s pls dont judge i just use this as a safe space and also none of this is for attention i just find joy in writing about my emotions