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so a little over maybe 8 months ago a friend of mine told me that her friend (ima just call her kelly cuz i dont wna use her real name) thought i was cute and asked me if i'd talk to her.
just this was already really strange for me cuz i know i dont got the looks to get some like her to have a crush on me, i mean she is amazing, pretty, smart, social, everything im not and wish i was.
so I said that I wasnt sure if I really get in a relationship (I really thought getting into a relationship was as simple as "I like you and you like me, lets date" smh) but I got bribed into at least talking to her by a empty plastic box of chewing gum (its a long story)
anyway long story short, I fvcked up plenty, would leave her on read, not answer her messages, basically everything youre not suppose to do, (we never even talked about dating or making anything official) I didnt do these things cuz I wanted to, or cuz I'm an assh0le (although I guess I kinda am) I did it because I was scared and dumb and didnt know what to say to her so I said nothing... up to 2 days ago i had completely given up.
i thought by this point she prob thought i was a dlck who didnt like or care about her until i got a message from my best friend asking me why was i ghosting this girl (it had been weeks since we last talked) so i told him that i didnt mean to and it doesnt matter anyway since its been a long time and she prob hates me now.
turns out...she doesnt, kelly is friends with my friends girlfriend (aka the girl who told me she had a crush on me) and she talked to me friends girlfriend about how she felt like i didnt like her cuz i wouldn't reply and then my friends girlfriend told him about this. anyway after a long talk with my friend he convince me to talk to kelly again, so i did and today we messsged back and forward for a few hours.
im starting to see hope in this, I really like her, and as far as I know she still likes me. I hope to go on a date with her sometime soon, asking her is gonna be kinda hard, wish she would ask me but i think as a man im suppose to ask her (stupid gender roles) this next week is gonna be very important, I will try to be more talkative which is gonna be hard cuz I'm known for responding very short to messages and even in real life, but if stepping out of my comfort zone is what it takes to be with this girl, I'll do it. although I have to admit I'm still scared. for a few reasons, firstly I dont think I'm what she wants or thinks I am. I'm not funny, I'm not pretty and I had the lowest grades on all my classes. I feel like if she gets to know me better she'll see I'm not someone of a lot of value. not letting people know me is kinda of a bad habit for me, the way I see it, if no one really gets to know me then I'm somehow in control of something or safe.
but I'ma make this work, I've let my thoughts and doubts hold me back so much these past few years, its time for me to actually take some control of my life. i will do anything it takes to have her be my girlfriend by the end of the month, I fvcking love this girl <3
(update 08/23/25)
nvm, it went nowhere and I wasted my time, I think I might just stay alone. I really hate myself for letting it go to sh!t. I don't even know if I really liked her or not, somedays I think I might be asexual and will never be able to feel romantic love for anyone. Maybe it's what's best for me, damn it...15 and never had a girlfriend or kissed a girl or hell even helded a girl's hand. I'm dying here
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catduck
I feel like she sees something in you that you yourself don't see. Many people have the tendency to think quite lowly of themselves, and what positives others might see in them they themselves do not see. I think you should work with this girl as a relationship is about working together. If one party doesn't help grow the flower it dies. But to not kill the flower is simple. You just have to be transparent if you feel like your making mistakes. If you find it hard to talk to her just say that you find it hard to talk to people but you think she is really cool. Anyways good luck man. You can do it, yes you can. Maybe you could try texting her and eventually start calling her. You just have to help her grow the flower. And yes you do deserve love. You seem like a really nice and caring person despite all the flaws you see in yourself. And I feel like all a person really wants is someone to love and be loved by. Just be willing to get out of your shell, it will be very much worth it.