E-BLAST // SUMMER HEATWAVE

Ah, summer. When the clothes get skimpier, the lies get prettier, and the excuses? Well... they tan just as hard as the people telling them.

But even as we stretch out on the beaches of the Hamptons, browse Bergdorf’s on Madison Ave, or sneak around cul-de-sacs in a quiet PA town, some things don’t change:

 Backstabbing.

 Secret hookups.

 And stories that bleed like a paper cut from a love letter you weren’t meant to read.

Let’s begin with A. Kennedy

One minute she’s sipping matcha outside Ralph’s, pretending her life’s a Sofia Coppola film.
Next minute? She’s caught crying behind a seafood shack in Montauk while texting someone saved as “Do Not Answer.”
And if the initials J.T. mean anything to you... maybe don’t kiss him under the pier next time. Salt water can’t clean guilt, sweetheart.

Now onto the Upper East Side’s Coldest Flame: M.M.

He said he was “done” with drama.
Then why was he spotted at the Frick with L’s ex-best friend?
Oh right—because being loyal went out of fashion faster than last season’s Balmain.

And as for L, don’t think your return to Altoona, PA went unnoticed. Word is, someone’s mom saw your crying fit in the back of that church lot after you saw C’s new girl walk into the diner. Yes, that girl. The one who said “I’d never do that to you” in April.

We call that ✨ acting. ✨

 Oh, and H.T.

You accidentally sent the screenshot?
You accidentally told your parents?
You accidentally wrote a 3-paragraph post saying how you and K are “soul sisters” and “nothing could tear us apart”?

Baby, you were the knife.
And the scissors.
And the dull pencil in third-period art when you said, “She’s just jealous.”

Funny. I think the only thing she’s jealous of…
is how fast your hairline’s receding.

Meanwhile, over in sleepy Elmont, PA, a storm’s brewing.

Someone’s been using their burner to send threats.
Someone’s been liking every single post of their ex’s new “fling.”
And someone’s been spotted pacing outside a gas station in slippers, blasting Lana and muttering, “It’s not over.”

You know who you are.
So do I.

Summer may be warm, but this drama?
Cold. Calculated. Couture.

And just because school’s out doesn’t mean the gossip stops.
If anything, it’s just gotten a tan.

Until next time…
XOXO,
Gossip Girl