Is it my fault?

When I was in a relationship with my ex ( my first ever boyfriend ) I used to tell him how back in my childhood I used to be touched inappropriately by my cousins multiple times. I basically like told him abt my whole childhood cs he was one of my best friend yk. 

And like normal couples we used to make out yk. But there was that one time, when we were making out he kept touching my chest and I kept removing his hand cs I didn’t feel comfortable. And then after a bit he slid his hand down in between my legs to touch the intimate part of my body and again I didn’t feel comfortable and it didn’t like that so i removed his hand. And then he went back to touching my chest so I removed his hands again, I kept removing his hand every time he would touch my chest. So at some point I gave up. 

So we made out and he was touching my chest ( I had shirt on) and then next thing you know his hand slid underneath my shirt. I still kind of wasn’t comfortable with that but i don’t know why but I took off my shirt and basically after he took off my bra and yk…  but ngl i was kinda enjoying it. But then he asked me to let him eat me up I was like freeaaakkk naurrrr 😟 cs like Unt unt we can make out but that part oh naw. That part is restricted. So we kept making out he kept touching my breast and yk what. 

But then afterwards I felt guilty and dirty. I should’ve keep telling him no js like I told him no when he asked to emp. We broke up but the memories of that time keeps torturing me and I js feel so dirty and disgusted of myself. I genuinely hate when people touch me but I was okay with him doing it because he was my lover and my best friend but now I regret it. I am consumed by disappointment, disgust and regret everyday. But like is it my fault tho? Bc like if you think abt it if I had told him no none of this would’ve happened. I js wanted to make out innocently without all the extreme sexual part ☹️.