Pathetic-Poem by me

I see the way they worry, how they gather in circles while Im ignorant to their discussion

I see the way I infuriate them, how Im insufferable, and make them upset. I can see it, and hear it

No matter how much they tell me I didnt upset them, It doesnt change in my mind

Im a nuisance.

An excuse, for a friend, or company in general. A poor excuse for interaction. 

No matter how much you stroke my ego, no matter how much Im being told that Im loved, and full of love.

It doesn’t scrub away what I see in the mirror.

It doesnt drown out what I hear in my head.

No matter how much you try to convince me, you’ll never be able to show me who I am to you

I cant see myself, I cant see who I am. I ask, and ask, and ask what I am to someone, and how I am to them, but I cant believe their words. I want to believe them, like a God I’ve never seen. But I can’t see them.
But I feel pathetic. 

Pathetic I cant think of something to say about myself. Something somewhat pleasant.
I feel like Im asking you to stroke my ego, and that I enjoy it, and I enjoy the attention.

I hate it. I hate it more than anything.
“You want them to stroke your ego, make you feel good about yourself.”
No. I don’t.
But I cant drown out what I hear in my head.
I cant scrub away at the figure in the mirror.
But people will read this, and I’ll be labeled as an attention seeker,ridiculous, or dramatic.

And at the end of the day, Im stuck. Never feeling different. Still feeling

Pathetic.