whyd i not get therapy?? my sibs got it

tldr at end

guys wtffff!!??? i just learnt that my mum put both my sibs in therapy (against their will) cuz rsns, and likkkeee she didnt put me in when i not jusst askedd, but tried to full on convince her to put me in due to 'stress' (but obv didnt just say that) cuz yeah, but like, she thought i didnt have problems cuz i was a quiet kid!?? like jesus sorry for directing everything inwards instead of outwardsss! cmon, i dont get help bc im not ruining everyones life??????? fuck what happened to me as long as i wasnt problematic right? like i barely ever spoke in convos cause i was scared to, i always done what i was told bc if i didnt id have to give fucking therapy sessions bc theyd all have a breakdown, like wtf, i dont get help cuz im meant to be the help????? what mentally well kid had to look after adults.

srsly, my mum would even boast to me that i didnt cry when i was hungry or anything as a baby, and that id make such a great parent cuz how i look after others.

ive just wanted someone to talk to abt my issues for so long, and i cant fucking talk to my family bc they would either play victim and make it abt them or theyd judge me abt it and use it against me for years (i learnt that the hard way) bc its 'stupid' to cry abt smth that small.

i seriously begged my mum for therapy throughout my middle years of highschool and she took it as a joke, i eventually gave up cuz theres no way i was getting through to her + my fam always talks abt how therapy doesnt work & not to trust a therapist so itd feel like a waste of money cuz i prolly wouldnt talk abt much to them anyway. also theyd whine abt how i trust a stranger more then them and how its my fault i dont open up. im just kinda done with it atp. ᓀ‸ᓂ