Pennsylvania Trip (It wasn't that great :/)

It was a super short trip lol.

It went... fine. Couldn't say that I had the time of my life, but it was ok. I don't do super well in crowds but I can usually handle being around family (even if I don't particularly like them) because at least they know me and I mostly know them. But the 4th of July family gathering had also become my cousins graduation party, so a TON of his friends were there and that made me super uncomfortable. I can't stand being in a group of people who all know each other but don't know me. It made me a bit nauseous. I didn't even want to go in the pool because they all made me feel really self conscious. My self confidence kinda just took a nose dive and I was NOT feeling very good about myself or my appearance. I ended up spending most of the time to myself in this one area everyone seemed to forget about until my step mom would come get me so my family could see me for a bit. It wasn't all that great, I'm not really close with any of them. It really didn't help that I was getting misgendered by everyone but my parents the entire time. Usually it doesn't bother me, but it felt almost deliberate this time. Maybe I was just tired.

I ended up starting The Magnus Archives though! It's SO GOOD! There's so much to remember though, and I'm really bad with names and there's a ton of those to remember, so I'm actually gonna restart it and take notes this time lol. I got to episode 80. I also got to work on this crochet project that's been sitting for months. I got a ton of it done.

The day we left was super shitty though. I have a super hard time sleeping at night so I slept in super late like usual. I did wake up early at first and was up for maybe an hour before passing back out until around noon. I felt gross, but really didn't feel like taking a shower in that house with a bunch of strangers around, so I washed my hair and face in the sink to make me look less like a basement dwelling incel. Then my dad came up all upset because my great grandma thought I was avoiding everyone. I went to my step mom in the room next to the bathroom, it helps me to have a person I can hang around when in a big crowd, but I just started crying. When we finally went out there my great grandma started making fun of me for not really remembering people. Like I said, I'm really bad with names. I'm also like, completely face blind and It had been years since I'd seen most my family. My parents pulled me away and my dad eventually told me I could go back inside once he saw how miserable I was. I started crying once I got back inside. My stepmom came back to check on me and bring me food. Apparently everyone had been telling off my great grandma for doing that to me which made me feel a little better. She did end up apologizing before she left, although I didn't really feel like accepting it.

After that we drove 5 hours and stopped at a hotel for the night, the place didn't have WiFi which was annoying, then we got in the car and drove another 10 hours back home. I'm glad to be back, and my cat missed me a lot.