Self realisation, taking cute photos, and Amanda Palmer.

 !Warning for C.S.A mentions!

Recently, I've been obsessed in all capacity of the word with The Dresden Dolls and Amanda Palmer's solo work, and while that's fairly mundane ( wow a teenage girl likes an alternative band this has neverrrrrrr happened before ) it's genuinely led to a lot of bringing up the depths of what my life was like in my early years. 

I used to assume that my childhood was relatively fine, a bit of bullying but oh well. But since getting into The Dresden Dolls as severe as I have been as of recent, I've been fawning over Amanda's lyricism. The use of metaphor and sarcasm as well as blatant messaging is something that really calls to me. While looking into the song ' Lonesome Organist Rapes Page Turner ' I started thinking about everything I can remember, especially when I was extremely young; whether these are things I have come to terms with or not. The song itself has got me emotional since the first listen, something about it stood out to me, the experience, the emotion and the poetic wording just hit despite any type of S.A I've been through being fairly minor ( except for the man and the knife but I'd rather not dwelve into that experience ) at least in my eyes. And one day it all just kind of sunk in, the infection I had at 4 years old that only truly matches up with various STI's, the way I've treated intimacy, the fact that I feel the need to appeal to men far older than me for the pure validation of it, and my continuous aversion to men.

 This is something I do not know if I could have realised without Amanda's work ( no shade to Brian in the slightest, however I focus on analysis of lyricism and he was rarely involved if he was involved in the first place ) and I will forever love her for it. I'm aware that this is a disturbing realisation in itself but it gives me closure on why I act the way I do.

As for the cute pics aspect, it's just become a habit of mine, really doesn't have much to do with everything else but thought I'd show one of me and my Dresden Dolls' CDs as it's very fitting!