I miss my oshis (and other tangents)

Ngl chat, I miss Ruze. It's only been a little over a week since the last stream but I miss my boy(?)failure. Adding to that, I also miss Shinri. They're both on much needed breaks so I toatally understand but still. I should probably check back in with Halbernacht. He's at least very consistent, though I like watching him most when I'm working on a project and I haven't felt motivated to work on any of my ongoing crochet projects. I've been a little stressed about caring for my guinea pig Nosferatu. I think he has chronic breathing problems, he does have a follow up appointment tomorrow. 

Plus the weight of on going events has really shot my will to do anything. Like there is no hope for anythings. I understand that is by design; that the nature of the beast is to grind away the parts of you that drive your desire to persevere. I just can't help but feel sad and robbed. The anger I once felt is no more. Life just sucks and doesn't feel worth enduring. No, I'm not going to do anything to myself, let's be clear there. I just feel a lot of despair. I wish things were different. That's all.