i'm done (╥﹏╥)

hey, its been a while (?) last time i blogged was a year ago. well, i never actually took it seriously and i wont this time either, because i feel too overwhelmed to be a perfectionist lol.

this is the only way i can have a little rant about my chronic illnesses; because no one is gonna read it, and if someone does, you dont know me so my feelings wont become a burden to anyone. 

i wont say i dont have anyone to talk to, because i do, i have a huge family that cares about what i feel. but the biggest problem with these type of illnesses is that theyre, as the name suggests, chronic. i will never feel completely better. i have already ranted to my family like a million times so i feel very annoying. and i know that if i tell them this theyll say: “no you’re not! ill gladly listen to you again, i dont mind” and that sort of thing… but ive been a healthy person listening to a sick person before, and i know how tiring it can be to try to help someone and not see any improvement. 

i dont feel like saying what illnesses i have as one of them (the worst one) is quite rare and i keep being invalidated over and over again. but the most important part about it is that it went untreated for so long that now im in bed all day, everyday. and its the most horrible thing that has ever happened to me. i want to start stuff and i cant, i lost all of my ‘real-life’ friends because they kept asking me to hang out and i could never go. my best friend is now my mom, who i will never be able to thank enough. 

i dont blame any of my friends for getting bored, i was also the type of person to say “theyre overreacting, they just have to find the right motivation” i still feel like im overreacting sometimes, its been hard to get that mindset off of me. 

but this is real. sometimes the pain has been so horrible that i cant focus on anything. im in pain almost everytime, so my tolerance is incredible and for the most part, pain just translates to discomfort, as if you had a little rock in your shoe, basically. but there are times when it feels unbearable and i just want to rip my head off. life sucks right now :d

this page has been a huge distraction, i find coding and all that very fun. my favorite part about spacehey is commenting and using cute kaomojis ahshaha, its the only social where you can use them and not feel weird. so yeah, if you see me online the entire day, keep in mind that im not a neet on purpose, im obligated to stay in bed all day. its not fun. it kinda was at first but now im DONE ˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗

anyway, thanks if you read this entire thing! dont pity me by the way, i know i will get trough this, and most days im still very happy. i just felt like complaining today :3

ps: maybe my english sucked in this, idk. my first language is spanish heheh