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i leave and no one notices.
not a pause,
not a ripple.
i vanish like i was never real.

i scream in lowercase.
i love the people who forget me
mid-sentence.
i sit in rooms and feel like dust.
looked through, looked past
like furniture, like filler.

i give and give and give
my time, my heart, my softness,
and all i get is silence
where care should be.
they only reach for me
when they need comfort
or someone to hold their mess.

but who holds mine?

i’m not angry.
i’m just tired.
tired of being someone’s “almost,”
their “i forgot to text back,”
their “i meant to check in.”

i’m tired of loving so loudly
while being held so quietly.
of making space for people
who don’t even remember
what my voice sounds like
when i’m not okay.

i want someone to notice the empty chair.
to wonder where i went.
to miss me like a habit,
like breath,
like a song that plays in their head
for no reason other than me.

i don’t want to beg for presence.
i don’t want to explain my loneliness.
i want to exist
and still be felt.

i hate feeling like i only exist when im convenient. like i disappear the second im not in front of someone. i could vanish and no one would even flinch. its like im forgettable by default, like i was never really part of anything and js background noise.

i try to be there for people, i try to care loudly, gently, constantly. and it feels like no one even notices unless they need something. i dont want to be a placeholder. i want someone to think about me when im not around. to miss me. to wonder how im doing without me having to say im not okay.

its weird, pretending like that emptiness doesn’t eat at me. like it doesnt hurt to feel invisible in rooms i’ve lit up before.