moods and moods and moods

i opened this editor and immediately remembered how therapeutic this old-myspace/livejournal style blogging can be so here goes i guess

my head is just going through a lot at the moment. my doctors reckon i might have endometriosis, which would explain a lot of the weird symptoms i've had (random pains ranging from mildly irritating to absolute agony; passing out occasionally). this has set off a whole load of health anxiety, and to make things worse, i have a huge irrational phobia of the most basic of medical procedures. i don't even like having the dentist put their hand in my mouth, and now i'm having to contend with someone putting their hands (and possible other alien paraphernalia) in the OTHER end. and possibly surgical stuff later. all the while a small part of my brain is convinced i'm dying anyway.

i've been trying to distract myself with creative stuff. "the act of creation saves us from despair". i also rediscovered some very ancient hyperfixations. when i kicked the neurons they still had dopamine in them. now i can't stop thinking about how i would rewrite the shitty reboot sequel to my childhood favourite PS2-era platformer about talking animals. brains are very weird