Watching

Watching the fireworks always makes me feel more alive, it makes me think “I’m so glad I get to be alive rn”. They’re like magic because when I watch it feels like a moment that will last forever. 

I watch from my backyard and it feels nice but then I come back into the house and I’m back, there is a guest in the house. The problems stay till I forget it exists and grandma and Benny have to drive him back home. But even then things are never ok and there is always a longing to leave. My family wants to get out of here but we have to save up. I have to sleep with my sister because she’s scared of the fire works, I like sleeping on my own. I hate having to share my space. I’m so tired but they want to stay up, I guess this moment really will last forever.

I had to take a shower first, clean the sweat off. My time in the bathroom is the only real alone time I get, even in my dreams I see my family. I don’t hate them I just really like sleeping alone. I guess that stems from so many years of having to share a bed or room with my sister or sometimes even with my entire family. 

As I’m typing my thumb shakes, I must be tired. My mosquito bites itch. My back aches. I just want eternal peace and rest.