(dys)graphic artist

Hey,

I recently learned that I probably have Dysgraphia which is a learning disability that affects a person's ability to write. I'm not diagnosed, but I do see myself in the common symptoms. I hold my pens/pencils really tightly and at an odd angle, my spacing between words and letters is wild, my lines are wonky even on lined paper, and I sometimes have to really think about how to draw the shapes of letters.

The thing is though, Dysgraphia can also affect someone's ability to draw.

I've been drawing for as long as I can remember. Every scrap of paper had my sketches and doodles on it when I was a kid. I went to an art based learning program in junior high, took an advanced art class in high school, and was accepted into art collage. But I eventually dropped out of art collage for several reasons. One of the main things that prompted that choice was the constant feedback that my art was childish and unsophisticated. I struggle with realism, depth, and composition. Guess how Dysgraphia affects one's art?

I really wish I had known that I was Dysgraphic sooner. I've spent over a decade feeling like my art is the way it is simply because I'm not talented or good enough. One of the worst moments in art collage was when an instructor took me completely by surprise in a one on one conversation that was supposed to be about my latest project. She told me flatly that my art wasn't where it should be for the level I was at and that I should quit all together. I was too shocked to say anything against her. (Plus I hate confrontation.) But I think there would have been something really satisfying in telling her to her face that I have a learning disability and that her opinion of my work and of me was based in ableism.

My learning disability affects the way I draw. It always will. But that doesn't mean that my art is bad or that I'm a bad artist. It just means that I'm different. And I think I'm starting to understand that about myself.

Much love,

Elle.

A woodland self portrait, 2024.

Pencil on plain paper.