A Continuation

Good God I've Been Busy

The last addition to my topic collection was around EASTER! 

We've had so many new and additional projects in that timeframe up until now it's insane. I think I haven't had even just one single free weekend the whole month of June. Don't get me wrong, my job is fun and I definitely give it my whole heart. But also....I like to sleep once in a while, man.

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The Dating Situation

Regardless, I think it is time to follow up on some of the things mentioned in that previous "interlude" I have literally posted like months ago. 

Omg Fanfic Arc〜

In short: Utterly hopeless. Dude Nr. 1 ( a coworker of mine) has been getting on my nerves more and more after our first "date" (But yes indeed, he DID ask me on a date). Just utterly incompatible the more I think about it and the more I've gotten to know him, unfortunately. I'm going on one single other date with him just to truly be sure this won't work out tho. The first date DID make for a good story however. Absolute fever dream honestly. 

Because picture this: We went to some sort of Bar, in broad daylight mind you, before going to a concert which was already planned before the date was. Now, that would not have been an issue... If he wouldn't have invited ANOTHER female coworker of hours to that concert too???? Like, she's my friend and I did not mind going to that concert as a group but???? Setting the date right before that??? Odd choice. 

Regardless, the date didn't even feel like one. The conversations went as always, barely even scratching the topic of relationships. The only reason he payed at that bar was because he didn't inform me that it was cash only...guess who didn't have any cash on them. I don't expect others to pay for me, but let alone the fact he didn't offer felt fishy to me. 

He also doesn't date exclusively. Which I would not mind if he would have TOLD me before he started to try and date me instead of me having to find out he's been flirting and talking to other women THROUGH my bestie at work WITH WHOM we were at the concert.

Now to the actually unbelievable part: The Concert 

The music wasn't my thing exactly. Something, something "post black metal". I rarely listen to normal black metal as is (call me a poser and cry me a river I guess), but I simply enjoy spending time with people important to me. HEAVY on the "spend time with people" because when I tell you, this dude was absolutely GONE the moment the opener band started playing. As if he was possessed... right at the front of stage, eyes closed, wailing his arms and head around in a fashion you can only vaguely call "head banging". Not a word said, not a glance taken, not a smile made towards me nor our friend. 

What the fuck. 

Listen, I am also not one to talk and chat at a concert while the bands are playing. But I INTERACT with the PEOPLE I AM THERE WITH. Because, ultimately, and especially if the music isn't my thing, I am there for the people who i am there with. Because that's what makes it fun??? Because, as much as I feel music too, I would never just ignore my friends??? What??? It's a community event???

So while me and our friend had quite a bit of time to just...observer our surroundings (like, the whole 45 min set of the opening band) I noticed that the guitarist had a tattoo sleeve. A VERY pretty one at that. Incredibly clean, wonderfully healed, perfect ombré effect. He, also, was quite the looker if I do say so myself. 

Once their set was over and the change over began, I started talking to our friend, of course. Since my Date was nowhere to found. And I kid you not, one of the first things she says to me is how attractive the guitarist was, lol. I told her I wanted to give him a compliment about it but he was too busy with clearing the stage, sadly. At some point my Date seemed to have found us and joined the group again, upon which we just grabbed a drink from the bar and spend the rest of change over outside. Once the main act started, and we went back inside, the opening band including the guitarist was standing next to the entrance.

I thought "ok now or never" and just quickly went up to him to tell him how nice his tattoo looked. The convo wasn't special. Just a quick "oh yeah it took quite long" "Oh I can imagine, relatable, it really suits you though" "oh thanks" "ur welcome ok thanks bye see u inside" and thats it.

Little did I fucking know that this small ass convo would lead to him starring at me from their merch booth, scribbling his number on the back of a sticker and wordlessly giving it to me in the middle of the main set. 

When I tell you the LOOK I gave my friend. 

I couldn't fucking believe it. 

What in the absolute AO3 Fanfic is this?

Long story shot and also adding a little time skip:

we texted for about a week. He's quite nice, pretty chill honestly. Not a dick or anything. He's from Berlin...and 35 years old...I'm 22. 

Yikes, but did that stop me? No. 

So about said week later, I promptly drove to Berlin for a first real meeting.

Utter disappointment followed.

This dude is the definition of impatient. We were visiting a gaming museum (was small and boring though), went out to eat, went to the cathedral once and then to his home. He couldn't even wait until night for him to start shit. Mind you I was up front about my lack of experience and my nerves from the get go. He didn't seem to quite grasp that. 

Regardless, no matter how much we tried, he just couldn't get me anywhere. 

So, in the end, I remained a virgin...just now with carpet burn and spit on my cooch. 

seriously, what about "go slower, be gentle, stop making it pointy, give me some time to adjust, put your hand the-, no, THERE!" do men not understand, I swear to god. And of COURSE he's into deep throating. Like the ONE THING I can NEVER see myself doing first things first EVER. I was already almost throwing up because of nerves AS IS. And NO it does not matter how many times you try to convince me. You would only end up with teeth AND/OR vomit on your dick. 

Now, I am a person thats willing to try a lot of things, given you give me enough time to prepare for it. I was even willing to try again the next morning. But alas, before I could even suggest anything, he already dropped the "I don't think this works, I can't wait this long" (wait for what? Sex? As if I didn't strip naked in front of you already and TRIED?) 

"You living so far away and all, I just can't wait weeks and weeks with just a few meet ups until you are ready" 

Then why did you even give me your number KNOWiNG I live far away. this has nothing to do with me being a virgin. A woman who has had experience but has been celibate for a while or lives far away could very well have reacted the same. 

In all honesty: I think he just severely overestimated his skill, lol

I am really not that difficult to handle, I am really not hard to turn on either. If only "foreplay" would be a proper term to you.

He was pissy/butthurt about it too. We had plans for the following day. Aquarium, to be exact. And guess what, I had to spend the rest of the day in Berlin alone because his ego was too hurt to spend more time with me. 

What a man-child. What a shame. 

Anyway, one good takeaway from this whole ordeal is that I got a confidence boost out of it I guess... At least somewhat. because what is someone asking you out worth if they weren't even interested in you to begin with and you were just a "Means to an end". 

I'll try not to think about that too much.

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Tongue Split

I did go through with it. About a week after my consultation I just rolled up to the place and in not more than 45 min my tongue was split in half, a roll of kitchen paper was shoved into my hands, 400 bucks were left, and I made my way back home.

Of curse I prepped beforehand. Dubious amounts of baby food and fruit puree in squeezy bottles. 50 pill pack of Ibuprofen, non alcoholic mouth wash. The usual.

If you'd ask me what the healing process was like, I would say it can be compared to a tongue piercing but like, 3 times worse or extreme. 

That or my Ibuprofen induced delirium made me think it was. 

You will drool. A lot. 

If you read others experiences beforehand, it's hard to believe it could be that bad. But oh, it is. I've filled up salad bowl after salad bowl with soaked tissues. And not because I was wiping at my mouth, no. Because I put those tissues in the bowl and let the spit just FLOW. It was endless. No way to swallow, your tongue swells too much. 

Besides, you can't move it anyway because of the stitches. Even at the third or fourth day, I could barely move it because the stitches held both halves too tightly. It would sting like needles trying to move it around. 

The first few days I could barely eat. I looked like some sort of newly hatched birdy trying to gulp down anything I can get far enough into the back into my throat past my tongue. No joke, I think I can not even look at fruit puree for the next half a year or so without gagging. After that followed instant mashed potatoes and then other baby food out of glas bottles. I couldn't eat with a spoon so all of that actually nutritious stuff was useless to me at the start. 

Honestly that was the worst part of it all, not the pain or drooling, but the annoyance of not being able to eat properly. (plus not being able to sleep because of the drool, but alas, you need to take at least a week off anyway so it doesn't really matter). THAT and getting strings pulled in the end. That was arguably worse than the cutting itself, no joke.

Whichever the case: No regrets. I absolutely love that body mod and I have become the most annoying attention whore for the last three weeks or so. Deliberately playing with it hoping people will see and be freaked out. Fortunately, people get used to it pretty quickly, haha!

And before anyone asks: Yes I can talk normally, no I didn't have a lisp. Only some whistle-y tones in the beginning when I couldn't press both halves together fully yet because of swelling. But if you actually follow the instructions professionals give you during the healing process, like no talking at all, no solid food, drinking a lot, keeping it clean, then you should not have any issues. You only develop a lisp if you train yourself into one trying to talk too soon even when you shouldn't. 

My piercer even said we could cut it even deeper some time soon at our last check up appointment, hehe.

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So Many Things And Yet Nothing At All...

...happened. Like, no joke I feel like I have lived five lifetimes in the last 5 weeks or so and yet I can not remember too many noteworthy things. Just... a lot of work I guess. 

 I am doing a lot of things with friends. Small things to be honest. Little trips here and there. I work at a lot of events. I come home late a lot. I play a lot of video games lately. I am buying more and more physical media again because fuck streaming. I bought a small stereo set to play CD's. I planned and finished my first own, fully self planned event. I realized I never want to organize an event like that ever again. My boss said I need to organize an event like that again. 

I am starting to infiltrate the local industry with creative workshops like linol-print and jewelry making disguised as "DIY Band Merch"...And it's working. I have offered one linol-workshop already and promptly was asked to do it two more times. And I am now all of a sudden organizing a jewelry making workshop on another project of ours. Strange how that just manifested itself.

I'm going to concerts. I'm organizing concerts. I am missing out on concerts because I am organizing concerts. I am using my analog camera more. My analog camera breaks. I give my analog camera to a colleague of mine and my analog camera magically works again the moment he touches it. 

I haven't cleaned my flat properly because of work. I haven't cleaned my flat properly because of a lack of energy...because of work. I haven't cleaned my flat properly because I can't bring myself to. I NEED to clean my flat properly because I will have visitors soon. 

I got new swim clothes. I haven't gone swimming. I should be going swimming because I got new swim clothes. I will not go swimming because I absolutely hate people seeing me and that monstrosity of a body of mine. I have wasted money on new swim clothes.

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A Closing Word

As for the reduction surgery I'm going to keep it short: There hasn't been any news. No matter how often I call them they just tell me they haven't received any new info yet and that I will get a letter once they do. I'm suspecting my case just didn't get discussed at their last sitting....only annoying that they only meet every quarter year.

As for the albums: They are all good. Dunno what else to say about it. Even In Arcadia has sparked some insane discourse among fans and non-fans alike. As per usual. Honestly, I don't even wanna talk about the impact caramel had...I could talk about so many things for way too long. Both about fan or non-fan behavior as well as the context of the album itself. Positive as well as negative.