book club: Twilight

I've been rereading Twilight by Stephenie Meyer over the past few weeks for nostalgia and fanfiction reasons. I haven't read it since I was 15. So it's been a really interesting experience to come back to it after such a long time.

I'm about halfway through at this point. I just read The Meadow scene. And something I find wild is just how different I feel about Bella and Edward now that I'm an adult. I remember getting really swept up in the Romance(tm) of it all as a kid. But now? Girl, run. 

I can't believe just how much of the dynamic was lost on me before. Edward is constantly described as treating Bella pretty poorly. He tells her what to do, acts like she's this fragile creature incapable of taking care of herself, contradicts her perspectives and memories, is super dismissive, and even manhandles her a bit. And all that is seperate from the fact that he also wants to kill her. Which, being a Vampire Teen Romance novel, I can actually accept without issue. More and more often I'm asking myself what it is Bella sees in this guy beyond how good looking he is. Like, he isn't even nice to her. Gosh.

Bella, on the other hand, is fascinating. Her Arizona Sun Worshipper background seems totally at odds with her Gloomy Book Girl personality. But she's introspective, observant, smart, friendly, and curious. She's got a lot going for her. I related a lot to Bella as a teenager and I can see why. I think a lot of the things her character are criticized for are actually symptoms of mental illness. She's solitary, gaurded, constantly feels unworthy, is cripplingly selfless, and isn't used to care or attention. I think that, given her backstory as the sole support system solefor her "erratic" mother, this makes a lot of sense. I can actually see why Edward would develop romantic feelings for her. And why she lets him mistreat her so much. This girl will put up with anything so long as she feels wanted.

I do wish that the book had been written better. There's just so much potential here. But a lot of it is waisted in being too afraid to commit to anything beyond Vampire Teen Romance. There's a lot of Stephanie Meyer religious bias leaking through. And of course her depiction of the Quileute people is insulting. I love that there are indigenous characters in the story. Jacob has lots of positive qualities. He's open, friendly, and insightful. I think cutting out the werewolf aspects of the story while doing a more respectful job of highlighting an indigenous community would make the story better in lots of ways.

I'm interested to see what my thoughts will be on the next half of the book. Coming back to a story with a new perspective is really fun for me. Which is probably why I have a habit of rereading the same books over and again. Still, I'll make a second blog entry when I've finished reading Twilight so I can share my reflections and ideas.