Guess who got attuned to Reiki lvl II

Addicted to Sombr

These days,all I want is to listen to him.The passionate love,the obsession,killing him slowly.I love it all.I love unhinged artists,can't believe he was about to give up on music 2 years ago,glad he didn't because I feel so much comforted,I hope someday I would be able to attend his concert!

 If your love was a cig,I would smoke my lungs;everytime I think I am done,I need another one.

When you lay awake at night,do I ever cross your mind cause you still cross mine.

I watched you change,I don't know you,I don't know you anymore,I watched us fade,I don't know you,I don't know you anymore.Oh your eyes are cold,and mine are crying for you,so much left to say and little time to get through.You are on another path while I am stuck in the past...what's good can't ever last.

Literal,pick any songs by him,I love them,I feel his words piercing through current me,a stranger singing my life.I want him to shut up,to not make me feel otherwise.All I ever wanted was to love passionately and I watched my sweet first love story turning twisted and toxic,over distance,over network,over bars of lines whose ups and downs determined the trajectory of our story.I felt we can move mountains,only to feel a shift in him,and now the mountains looks..like a lesson from nature.Did I not learn my lesson,how much self work do I need to do in order to be at peace and feel safe within my skin.I love him,it's messy,it's difficult but I love him so much.I thought after he gets accepted to his dream college or well to do college,we would be together,and be silly and free the way I have seen in movies.

Knew it from the moment I met you.I had spend a lifetime missing you.Why'd you have to become stranger?You were supposed to be my savior

I feel the detachment,since the day those college options rolled,I don't believe in guardian angels,the ones who blamed me for breaking my man apart when life was harsh for both of us,yet I only wanted to be consoled by him.I never let anyone have the space to comfort,something he was proud about,which became the reason for him to give up on me emotionally.Said too much,hurt him too many times,because he took words said in anger,as real.He claims he knows me better than I do,maybe he sees the stupidity and truth in my outbursts.As per me,I don't remember 10 minutes down the line what I said,sleep my way through it to forget it all.

Maybe it's lot of work,maybe it's a series of events or maybe it was meant to be.

Oh,to be fully in love,see it crumble to dust,there's no one to blame,and I rather blame myself then to the one I love so dearly.

If anyone could have been save me,it would have been you,it would have been you

I was careful,I didn't love him right,by having meltdowns and breakdowns,making him sad,seeing the mess I am,not letting him cry in my arms since I moved to college.I remember the time I rushed back from crowded vacation spot,to hide in room to hear him cry because of his father.We used to be so binded and confident in each other,till I entered college,got exhausted,got bitter or maybe it was after my surgery,I don't know since he stopped down the line,expressing his desires.I didn't know how to navigate through breakdowns,I gave space,he hated my absence,I stayed and I got blamed for not having patience,being too logical.Well,I couldn't be something,that's not been shown to me.But he showed that to,I should have learnt.But i was too happy to notice that he needed space

I don't want to blame our long distance,those 900km,those network bars,the borders,I made him runaway from me,and now he seems unreachable.
We are together,I see confusion in his eyes,for a future he wants and a person who is even worth staying/worth fighting for.A someone who can't get him,who doesn't know how to comfort him,a someone who is near to become no one if this keeps up.

Don't go,don't wanna be alone,my willow,don't know how to let go,my willow,oh
Don't you forget I am the one when you are down and out

I wanted to make him special,I guess no amount of creativity,gifts,love can compare to me and my past I can't heal yet,20 years of family trauma baggage,hard expressing myself,quick detachments,forgetting fights,words,oh,I wish,I could,somehow,anyhow,hug myself,for also I needed someone to love me and help me out.

There's no one standing for me to guide me,past,or future.I have whole different life to make.I can't let it slip away,the way I did for this relationship back in the day,my initial dreams,my drop year,everything that could have gone wrong,went wrong.

I didn't get enough for scholarships,couldn't get out of state,couldn't get dream colleges,wasted drop year already when I am 21 still in 2nd year of my btech when everyone finishes bachelors by 19-20,moved to West Bengal just to meet him 6 hours not knowing this state would become my prison,I wish I stayed at Xaviers,I was going so well,and now I LOST it all,everything went wrong and at the end,the relationship is struggling and getting hexed by spirit guides.

Guess you had bigger things in mind,guess I was the only one loving blindly(All I wanted was you,all I thought of was you)

I wanna hold you like a kid hugs a tree,i wanna cry for you.It's killing me how you are so dishonest.You pray to God,you think You are Prophet.But even she knows how you are so dishonest

Is this what you wanted?Is this is what you wanted?

I don't know where he will go.I just want him to be happy.Sadly,and selfishly,I also want to be happy.I know more distance would kill the sinking boat.A boat going through the strong waves of ocean currents,a boat with nothing but determination and passion,a boat who isn't like the well made ships,withheld so strong for so long in the ocean which shows no mercy,damaged yet going,seeing an island soon to be a resting space,only..only for him to see a bigger island of his tribe.Now we are at the crossroad

I want him so badly to be at Ivy League colleges,but I don't want international ldr.

I never knew the answers to your scars,I think you made me cry that time.I said,You like the way my eye bags make me look high.Now,why are you going?Why are you crying

I don't know where I am going.But I will be fine

I loved you for the things you did without thinking

I never said it, but it always made me grin

'Cause I loved you for the things you did without thinking
And I wish we could just take the train home one more time
And you'd fall asleep on my shoulder just one more time
Wake you up at your stop just one more time
And I'd say, "See you tomorrow", just one more time
But it'd be a lie
Now, why are you going?

I wish I was better at expressing,but he always can see right through me.I think that was made us special,just,doesn't go one way because I couldn't love him right.I think I was doing just fine but I guess it wasn't alright.I have so much love and I hope he can see right through me and take his leap of faith,for whichever he goes,I will always adore him,for he is my man in every tense.For I don't know if we shared lifetimes for he was never supposed to exist.

Well,the words are becoming blur and my playlist coming to an end.

xoxo,did my reiki level 2 course,I wanted to do it for the longest time.It's helping through the hard times to keep me grounded.Today is my 4th day of 21 days of full body treatment.<3