IT IS THE DAMN PHONE!!!!!!!!

okay chat i know this is already a pretty well-known fact but my god it really is that damn phone. 
we are so incredibly influenced by the media we consume, so much to the point it has changed our generations humour, vocabulary, the way we perceive things, our style, our hair, our hobbies, and a bunch of other stuff. its basically shaped who we are and i always wonder who we would all be if we never touched social media in the first place. sure, its got some good things going: a sense of community, a way to share your opinions on things, communication thats awesome and all but stay with me now.

Here's how social media influences us in daily things that you may not even realise:

When you put together an outfit, most people try to maintain a certain 'aesthetic'. The terms of aesthetic styles that were grouped into different looks stem from social media. We judge our clothes based on how 'grunge' they are or 'whimsical' or 'funky'. We want to look like the people on social media who dress that way, and we think that if we don't dress like them then we don't look cool enough. I get that grouping different ways of dressing is an easy way to give someone inspiration and to help people get clothing that they want easier but at this point literally everything has a 'core'. Like can we calm down? They're clothes. And now if you wear something thats considered a certain 'core/aesthetic' and the people who dress that way are a certain way or do certain things and you don't do them because you dress like that then suddenly you're a fraud. Hmmm. Crazy idea. What if I just want to dress like this because I like it? I hate how there's so many unspoken rules now about things and if you don't know everything then you're not a 'real dresser of this aesthetic'. Man I just wanna look in the mirror and think I look nice! Why does it need to have all these unnecessary things? And they're all implemented from social media! 

Speaking of aesthetics, sometimes I even catch myself doing something and realise it looks like the aesthetic or core of something online and then I think I'm trying to live the lifestyle that those people live and then I get anxious because I feel like a fake. Oh, you're reading a book and drinking tea next to your cat thats so dark academia core. Omg I'm listening to music at a skate park this is so grunge. And then I catch myself trying to figure out which 'aesthetic' I match. Can we stop defining ourselves by the way we live just so we can confine ourselves by an aesthetic? I don't know, maybe its just me, but I feel like the world is so weirdly obsessed with being a certain way merely for the satisfaction of fitting into a style just to feel good about yourself. Life isnt just one aesthetic. It doesnt need to be defined by one at all. We need to let go of the idea that it needs to be.

I have watched my little sister grow up and I have observed the way her phone has affected her. Ever since she got one for her birthday, she has changed immensely. I understand that kids won't always be the sweet little innocent things they were and that teenagers tend to be moodier and more experimental or whatever, but it is the damn phone for my sister. And no matter how many times I've tried to tell her, she refuses to believe it. She clings to that awful thing like its life support. I'm watching helplessly as her grades slip to phone addiction. I'm not even joking. She's never been the academic sort, but she still used to at least try. She doesn't even try now. Not because she's depressed or lazy, but because all she wants to do is scroll on social media. It's genuinely concerning. I can literally see her brain rotting away. She uses zero brain power anymore. I don't know when she's ever off her phone. She brings it with her everywhere. The top 3 things she does is scroll on TikTok, call her friends on snapchat (which is alright with me because at least she's socialising which is better than scrolling), or film videos of herself looking pretty which she obviously posts for attention. She posts them almost every day. I'm all for an occasional feel-good post, but when it gets to the point where she's posting on her story 'can you guys like my new video plz' and coming to me upset because her friend didn't like her video and thinking she hates her because of it is when it brings up genuine concern. 

Her phone has completely changed her. In small ways and big ways. I try to get her to study for her test (hell, I even do her homework for her just so she'll at least pass a little) and she just has ZERO motivation. She doesn't even try to memorise one thing. I remember I was trying to get her to memorise the 3 types of friction and what they are (3 short sentences by the way) for her upcoming science test and it took THIRTY MINUTES just for her to say them back to me out loud. And while I was trying to tutor her, what was she doing? Scrolling on TikTok. Her style has changed. Her mannerisms have changed. Her personality has changed. She used to be so authentic and true to herself. She didn't care about being 'cringe'. But now she's another copy and paste teenage girl that wears grey sweatpants and heavy makeup. She's friends with popular girls. She used to be an underdog. She finds everything cringe now. She bases her worth on the amount of likes she gets. She can't feel good about herself unless she wears makeup. She looks at past photos of herself and says 'ew'. Her vocabulary and mannerisms are majorly social media linked. Her friends are the same. I've watched them change too with the ownership of phones. Everything they do has to do with social media. It's all linked, in one way or another. It's genuinely horrifying. 

Cringe culture sucks. Nobody can do anything these days. It feels like we're in a box. I guess that's why people say 'to be cringe is to be free' because then you're out of the box that traps us in social judgement.

Cancel culture also sucks. Call me a terrible person for saying this, but everyone is becoming a bit too woke and a bit too sensitive. I myself am a 'woke' person. I am queer, gender diverse, autistic and mentally ill, and am very supportive of all the diverse communities. But cancelling people for saying one thing that was the tiniest bit off is lowkey wild. Of course there are the baselines on what people just morally should not do, which are obviously non negotiables but if someone did something as simple as saying a joke that didn't offend anyone then I don't think you need to cancel them and say they're a terrible person. Sure, if they've said genuinely awful things but some jokes are actually quite funny. I think its better to make humour out of things than take everything so seriously. My personal opinion is that we shouldn't cancel people unless they're genuinely awful or evil people. If someone said a few off things, I think they'll be okay. I think we need to stop caring so much about other people and their issues because at the end of the day we're all humans and none of us are perfect. People say things they probably shouldn't say. Does that automatically make them a terrible person? No. Unless we're talking about saying genuinely disturbing and morally incorrect statements, then I honestly think cancel culture should stop obsessing over people whose lives don't even concern them and focus on themselves instead. Because of the fragile sensitivity of social media, I constantly watch what I say because I feel like I could say one word and suddenly be deemed problematic when I'm genuinely a good person. It's that trapped in a box thing all over again. Please give people room for improvement before making accusations based on one thing said, especially people in real life. Again, call me strange for this, but its just my personal opinion- I think we need to stop caring so much. At the end of the day, who cares? Stuff happens. 9/10 times, people change. We need to allow people to grow instead of standing still in time and assuming that they will be that way for the rest of their lives. Stop holding grudges against people for the dumbest reasons. It doesn't benefit anyone. Save those grudges for genuinely cruel people- like Trump (ew trigger warning). 

Cancel culture also makes us paranoid that our morals aren't good enough. I find myself second guessing my goodness because I didn't care about a topic as much as I should have. I see the news and sometimes flick past it because I just am not in the mood for the horrible stuff today and I'll go "Oh no. I flicked past it. Does that make me a terrible person? I don't care about these poor people whose lives are a literal hell. Oh my god. I'm part of the problem. I'm so ungrateful'. I don't know, that might also just be my OCD convincing me that I'm a terrible person as it always does but it also stems from people on social media saying things like 'you're a terrible person if you don't help these people, if you don't donate, if you don't sign the petition, if you don't do this, if you don't do that, I'll never forgive you!' It's just guilt tripping at this point. And I'm a teenager. I have no money. I have no power. Yes, I care and empathise with the situation, but its literally out of my control and I'm sorry that my youth disables me from being the Jesus you wish me to be. I care and I want to help, but I can't. Isn't caring enough? Or is that not good enough for you?

Mental health. Social media is FLOODED with venting and rambles about mental health. Yes, of course its amazing for people to share their stories, their recovery journeys and that's super awesome and I'm so proud of them for being brave enough to speak up about it. There's positives to sharing mental health journeys because it can help make others feel belonging. But the relatable venting videos that widely take up social media, especially some that show sh scars or videos that compare others sh methods, saying things like 'cat scratch scars dont' count' or just saying super invalidating things. This affects people's perception of their struggles, making mental health a competition. It doesn't need to be. Yeah, it sucks that you're going through that buddy I'm really sorry about that but can we not invalidate others?? Its hard to feel sorry for people when all they seem to try to do is win the 'i have the worst mental health competition' like can we not? Every person on Earth struggles with things. A friend of mine once told me a quote that I remember when I was feeling invalid: "If there are two people drowning in water, one drowning in 5ft deep and the other drowning in 10ft deep, it doesn't matter who's drowning in the deepest amount of water, they're both drowning." Which is true! Social media has such an influence on how we perceive our problems because we always think that someone has it worse. It doesn't matter, you're still valid. Your body feels that way. You don't need a reason for it. Just feel it. Listen to it. Comparison is the death of joy.

The average phone user picks up their phone around 58 times a day. When you reach for your phone, are you reaching for it because you actually need to use it or because you just want to use it because you can? 
What do you scroll for? What are you so eagerly trying to find?

There are so many more things I could ramble on about but I think this is long enough thanks for coming to my ted talk hooray okay bai remember to go outside today and remember that i love you! ^_^