truck and cog

(cw : a little venty slightly, mention of derealization)

i think i may have figured out some of why i like the idea of trucking

for those who dont know me ive come to really enjoy driving and especially trucking (though i only truck via video games (ats people where you at/silly)). i think i like the feeling that i can only describe as the cinematic experience of driving alongside the feeling of letting go. 

i have a lot of issues which cause a lot of overthinking and stress and i feel like when i drive and truck it just. releases. especially paired with music, i especially enjoy listening to more somber down to earth artists (will paquin , alex g , stuff like that) cause it just lets me forget. not that forgetting is healthy or good in all circumstances but i feel like it lets me commune more with life in a way. shits poetic sounding. i simply enjoy being present and down to earth which is rare for me with my almost constant feeling of derealization. 

i suppose thats also some of why i like the concept of trucking and simple repetitive tasks. just getting mindless and mechanic. cog in the system as you would. idk if thats anything to do with my autism but i really do enjoy just doing things for hours on end, organizing and cleaning especially (though i do have to be a bit in the mood).

me and my silly coping mechanisms. ig the not feeling real and like a real person doesnt help as well and i think feeling like im *apart* of something as i do when i drive and being apart of the earth and the system of things and working like i just shift in perfectly helps a bit. 

anyhows gn hope y'all are ok. unrelated go see the movie elio. total banger.

- magnus