Put Up Your Mind

It's been really tough last night. I feel like there’re a lot of voices whispering in me, telling me to leave.

It’s not the first time it’s happened—actually, it’s been bothering me for the last two months, but it keeps getting worse recently. It’s not the first time I’ve had to go out for a walk in the morning. I can barely sleep five hours a day this week, and I think I should reconsider using those SSRIs again. No, I’m not doing it. I have to celebrate Lain’s birthday in a few days. At least, I have to keep her with me.

I hate when my mind starts throwing junk thoughts at me, especially at night. I feel like I’ve been living my life as an owl lately. I’ve tried hard to get rid of sharp metal pieces, but it’s like an addiction that’s drowning me. It’s not helping me relax anymore. I came up with the idea to go for a walk this morning—I didn’t have a specific destination, just kept walking.

I think the best part was getting lost in the mountains. I love figuring my way out on my own instead of using a map. The sun had just risen after the long night wet moss and slippery dirt were under my feet. It’s quite a miracle I didn’t bump my head during my hike. I love the sound of water splashing in the river and butterflies flying around under the rising sun—things you’d never find in the city. I saw a giant spider, almost as huge as my hand, weaving its nest—I believe it could capture a human being if it had the chance. Luckily, I didn’t see any boars or snakes, but I did spot tons of critters. I wonder if they were having a walk like me after the rain. Critters hopped out with almost every step I took. Early morning is the only time that allows me to take a walk in the summer before the sun melts me. But overall, walking in the mountains alone isn’t a horrible thing to do.

I really hate the toxic sun—it’s like a laser beam attacking me. But more than that, I hate insomnia.

oh right, give me some reactions if anyone like the pictures.