Really weird update…

Hey random people of the internet!!

I haven’t posted a blog entry in months…. So much has been going on and I really haven’t had time to sit down and reflect but I’m hoping I can start posting regularly again!

Anyways I wanted to ramble about something since I really don’t have anyone to tell and it’s super interesting. (And I also treat this site as a personal diary for some reason).

So I’ve been on every medication under the sun for a range of things, adhd, asd, depression, physical illnesses and sleep issues but recently my sleep has worsened dramatically. And that’s not good, no that’s very much not good because my sleep is terrible and the recent worsening of my ability to sleep is uh, not preferable.

But anyways, medication wise, opiates r generally the most beneficial due to them being fast acting. However, they don’t just hand them out Willy nilly and also I when I do get some I space them out generously to avoid a dependence. My second most effective are mild sedatives to help relax me. The issue is, I’m mildly afraid of sedatives because most lower blood pressure and ya girl here already has low blood pressure. And idk about u but I would rather wake up with all of my limbs alive and healthy. (I’m exaggerating immensely).

Anyways, due to me avoiding sedatives I have a whole bunch of them in my medicine box. Most mild sedatives used for relaxation generally aren’t fast acting, meaning for them to take full effect u need to take them every day, not just when u need a hit or sleepiness every now and then. So I figured I would start myself on one for a few weeks and see if it helps my current situation. I’ve been on clonidine previously and it had no effect however I thought maybe I just didn’t let my body adjust to the medicine for a long enough period of time. So I started taking them around the beginning of last week and nothing was happening but as per usual I decided to thug it out and continue. 

This is where it gets odd.

I started getting really bad headaches on the same spot in my head randomly throughout the day, for multiple days in a row.I immediately linked it to the meds because obv stimulants mess with ur nerves and that can sometimes send mixed signals to ur brain, causing it to hurt in a certain spot. Anyways, I went to sleep one night and oh. My. God.

This is what acid would feel like.

Now let me preference this by saying I wasn’t originally aware of the major side effects of this medicine as only approximately less then 1 person per 100 people experience a major side effects on clonidine. But for some reason it was my lucky day ig.

That was a joke.

Ive never hallucinated in my life before. So this is the weirdest things I’ve ever experienced. I was totally deluded and confused. Everything was so loud and horrific, every noise from a bug making a noise, a car driving past, me moving my legs in my bed. IT WAS SO LOUD. And I was so angry. Everything felt as if it was targeting me. I genuinely thought that all the noises in the world were hanging up on me and I was freaking out. I was sitting up messaging my mum about when can everything shut up because it’s making me go insane. I thought that the roof making noises, and the wind were purposely sent to make noises to attack and harm me. Anyways I eventually got back to sleep amongst me tossing and turning and believing I was sitting in a wedding ceremony. 

But besides that, I remember checking my phone again and again. The last time I remember was about 3.30 in the morning. Now keep this in mind. I eventually fell back asleep until it was morning time and time for me to get up and go to work. So my rooms hot because the sun shines directly through my window so it’s always super bright and warm. And I get my slippers on and pick up my phone.

Oh.

It’s like only a few minutes past 3.30 AND SUDDENLY ITS DADK AGAIN.

I genuinely for some reason believed I fell back asleep for HOURS, woke up AND IT WAS BRIGHT AND WARM AND I COULD FEEL AND SEE IT WAS DAY TIME.

But no, it had been a couple of minutes and it was in fact pitch black.

To make a long ramble longer. I told my mum all about and we decided to try one more night to see if it will happen again or if I should continue on the meds. 

The next night wasn’t so bad but I was clearly very confused and slightly deluded. I never had anymore hallucinations so to speak. I was more just slightly delusional. To everyone else in my household my cat was just meowing in the middle of the night as every cat does, but to me it was the sound of a young girl screaming. It was so weird. But lucky once I ran out of bed I realised I was just going slightly crazy again.

I managed to get back to sleep and now I’m uh definitely not going back on it.

Anyways pretty boring ramble but I love typing out stupidly long random thoughts so hope all the people of the internet enjoyed !

Kinda cool to think that I had a less then a 1% change to experience it and it happened. Atleast I have a cool icebreaker story now ig.

Goodnight random people of the internet !!!