My guilty and lovely love.

———

My guilty and adorable love.

Life gets complicated when I try to stop.

Life gets complicated when I go back to pretending

that I’m drawn to someone whose name I don’t even know,

whose voice I’ve never heard—

just to rest,

just to forget

that it’s you, the only one I love right now.

My guilty and adorable love.

I often watch the sunset, I often reflect

on how love can turn into suffering from nothing.

How it can burn so deeply,

why I can feel the smoke

when nothing is actually catching fire.

Oh, maybe I’m the one turning to ash

every time I have to fight

for a love I should never accept.

This isn’t normal.

I don’t want to love.

It shouldn’t be you.

And still, I return again.

I come back again.

On my knees, I know:

I can’t sleep, because you keep me awake to the point of death.

What happens to those who can’t be loved or remembered this way?

Please, make me forget this.

Don’t make me love you

more intensely

than I ever used to.