Thoughts i've thoughted lol

So my mom, my brother, sister in law (SL) and niece have all gone on summer vacation…well not so much my mom. My mom is looking after my grandma up in Colorado, USA; she's been diagnosed with ALS, a very advanced ALS and so my mom decided to go for the next few months, look after her with my aunts (my mom's sister). On the other hand, my brother and family are all gone to Colombia to visit my SL's family for a month. 

Because of this, I've been left in charge of watering the plants… I forgot…my mom's plant were the driest. They were real sad. Poor things. But since I have zero knowledge of what entails el cuidado de una planta. I wasn't sure if they were overwatered or underwatered BECAUSE it's been raining a loooooooooot, so I thought, 'maybe they got wet and moist'. 

According to my research this is the difference between under and overwatered plants. 

I'M positively and 100% certain, those babies were THIRSTY. They've been watered now, both my mom's and SL's plants.

While I was watering the girls, I decided to put on a playlist I created back in 2019 only with songs I would like to die to. I've been, in rear occasions, adding some songs, but I hadn't listened to it in a while, so it was very interesting to learn I did not fully get the vibe back then. I almost got it right, but not entirely, cause there are some shitty ass songs to die to in that playlist…songs that would actually make my death experience miserable and not interesting at all. I WANT TO BE CLEAR THAT BY ALL MEANS I DO NOT WANT TO DIE, I HAVE NO DESIRE TO STOP LIVING, but if I ever find myself in the situation where I can make my inevitable death interesting and I can play a playlist while I take my last breaths I want it to be GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD. 

Point is, Cancer by MCR started playing, and I thought “this is a very sad sad sad song, but it's perfect if I end up dying of cancer”. Now that I think about it, it's a little insensible, maybe it should've stayed in my brain. But my dad died of cancer… I'm allowed to make a joke about it, right? jeje?

Anyway, there are some good songs in the playlist, they don't necessarily have to be like this magnificent genius masterpiece of a song. I think under all the jokes, cheesiness, and stupidity of the playlist it's something very personal. It feels like a testament to what makes 'you' 'YOU'. In this case me. They're not my alltime favorite songs, some may be, but they're songs that just feel right. Some ARE magnificent, genius masterpiece of a song in my opinion. 

I think my opinion on death and especially my death has incredibly changed over the past 7 years. Looking at the playlist, a lot of the songs have a very depressing connotation, meaning and feeling behind them. That does not float my boat, it doesn't feel right to me, it doesn't get my vibe anymore. I will say, I will keep a lot of the sad songs in case my death is very depressing; maybe at the moment I feel the need to accentuate the depressing moment in a very dramatic movie like scene. I don't want to say I'm not terrified of my own death, because I am, I'm very terrified. But I think the confusion and uncertainty don't bother me as much, I feel like I've begun to understand that death is inevitable, and I don't have much control over it. But if I did, it's got to be a god damn good death. Maybe I'll be laying down in a hospital bed listening to the most beautiful sounds to my ear, I know that will make me feel good.

I'll end this blog with what I consider the top three best song in that playlist in no particular order. Link to youtube video:)
Tragedy by The Bee Gees

Across the Universe by The Beatles

Bitter Sweet Symphony by The Verve

I'm aware this choice of songs make me look like a very basic music listener, I promise you I'm not guys don't judge meeee.