First summer blog

 Okay so since I've posted an entry was way before the summer break it's been like 3 weeks or so? Maybe I'm wrong bc it's been just 2 weeks lol but I have no clue!! Anyways! So my summer is going bad nothing's changed except it's hot af! I hoped that I'll have a summer job by now but nope nothing's changed although I've applied for one a new mini store will open on July 10th in our mini small town lol I applied there for store associate but it's been almost a week like I've applied last firday so I think it's okayish or normal since they'll open next week so I'm assuming that they should make a phone call this week or next week I dunno T_T 

I'm just way too exhausted. I helped my sister in whole June to study for her exam and she still failed like she failed from 3 subject one of them is Physics... Yes. I gotta say it's hard but I still remembered to the most shit that I've learned almost 10 years ago lol But she doesn't get it I'm like well I'm sorry that I'm not a teacher!!! 

My summer plan is to just survive it the whole summer. It'd be amazing to get the DL but I don't I will this time unless I get a job and I pay it for myself but what are the odds? I lowkey can't wait my birthday I'll turn 22 on the 22nd lol how iconic it'll be!! I just wanna get super drunk and forget everything and everyone for just one fucking day and I want that day to be about me and only about me and ignore everyone else!!! I lowkey feel lonley I'd say I'd invite most of my friend for a bigass party but they're all over the world so that's not gonna happen maybe one day lol 

Mentally I feel like shit. Like nothing's changed at all!! I feel like less and less ppl wanna talk to me except depressed ppl at least I can talk to them about my suicidial ideations and they understand and they share theirs so it's somewhere nice that we are there for each other and I'm out of my comfort zone like I don't talk to the same people all the time I know I'm boring so it's nice to just go and talk to others too and live your life! And also they might need you better than your other friends yk like they fighting with suicide like me and so ugh fuck me it's hard it's really hard to keep fighting and hoping that ohh don't worry brother everything's fine everything's gonna workout! SHUT THE FUCK UP! NO IT WON'T I KNOW IT WON'T all I had and have is hope but it doesn't worth a single cent!!! My life is just getting worse and worse and barley one person fights for me everytime and all the time it's like lowkey ridiculous. 

So what I do lately? Well, not much I wake up I make my bed, make a breakfast if I can then I go make my bed then I sit by my PC all fuckin day and play video game then and the end of the day I go for a walk at night with my granny or alone and that's it I go take a quick shower and I'm off to bed! I have workout session 3 times a week plus I practice(drums) at least 2-3 hours a day besides these I forgot to mention lol Mentioning drums. Well, officialy they kicked me out of music shool bc I couldn't pay my studies so I'm a music school drop out. It was a wonderful 2 years I had a really good time there I feel like I've learned a lot and man that's what I love to do, play music and study like learn something new everyday and grow!!! Unfortunately I have to work for a drum kit and other equipments to be able to start to make drum covers at last aka start my own business or career but I'll need a lot of money so that'd be my plan I'm not planning to go back to music school I said I'll stay maximum 2 whole years then I'm outta there and start doing something bc 2 years should be enough to start something... And I wanna make mistakes that pro players or creators did bc that's how I'll learn and develop!! Literally the only thing can stop me and stops me is fuckin money!! 

I have no clue who will read this entry but I'm wishing y'all a good and HOT summer lol this summer is going to be about Selena Gomez for me It's such a huge honour for me that I share my bday with her like we were born on the same day!! JULY 22!!!!!! I gotta say we're the kings/queens lol I've also heard that all the kings & queens were born between June 21st and July 22nd!!! So if you're in it you know what you are!! ;) :)) I literally dunno what to say I'm boring all day everyday so if you are too then just text me I'm always online lol I literally have no plans and I'm always happy if I have company! :))

Peace,

Darius