I'm sure you have, but, have you ever had one of those weeks that you know was slow but when you get to the end of it, it all felt like a speedy blur? Time is relative, and stupid.

I can't really say I'm enjoying the whole lotta doing nothing anymore, and just wanna do something fun. It's becoming a bad boring now.

When it comes to this week, I can't really report much. I sat in my room and stared for most of it. The only thing I can say that I tried new was installing Final Fantasy XIV. I'm not sure how I feel about it so far though. High fantasy was never a genre I liked in the first place, so I'm not really shocked that It hasn't pulled me in yet. I say yet because I'll keep trying the game out in hopes that I get more interested.

It's still below Phantasy Star Online 2: New Genesis for me in terms of interest and fun, which I know to some will put it into perspective. The most fun I did have this week was in Phantasy Star 2. I did the new limited time mission with some randoms, and one of them stuck around with me for a couple hours to talk about whatever and redo it a few times. 

My time in FFXIV was only around seven hours so far. I'm not even at level 10. The combat isn't really interesting or fast enough for me, and once again, high fantasy doesn't do much for me. I'm not honestly sure I want to continue it, but I feel the need to give it more time and hope I like it more.

I moved a futon into my room, as the last few years sleeping on a Japanese-style shiki futon were nice but also had some downsides. I took frequent care of mine, but it still managed to clump up in ways that were largely uncomfortable, also causing me to sleep worse. I love it all the same and feel if I got a different kind in the future I could sleep on it just fine. Until then, this regular futon (which also turns into a couch) will do great. I also miss the feeling of falling asleep on a couch whilst watching television or playing on my Nintendo DS, so there's that to look forward to.

Moving my room around was fun, as I always like doing that. My room feels a lot more closed in afterwards, but I don't see an issue with it. I figured out how to do it whilst also saving my tatami too, which makes me feel good.

I cancelled my Spotify subscription this week. With that, I wish to do more work with getting out of a lot of the "big websites" even further. This seems like going against my whole issue of being bored, but their presence and the desire to use them alongside their stagnation in entertainment is a big cause of this feeling.

Today I went to a pride event. Believe it or not, it was my first one. It was local, and I ran into some folks I know. It was a cute little place, and I talked with a man selling secondhand stuff for a while about music. I'm still doing my best to find an LP of Gilbert O'Sullivan's Front To Back for my music collection. I love that album deeply. I also had some chicken wings and fries. It feels nice to be recognized and treated well by a bartender, so I think I honestly found my new home bar after the bartender who treated me so well for the last twelve years recently passed away. Time has moved quickly, and something like this made me feel more than I thought it would. At least I know I have a place to go, but I will forever miss their homemade honey mustard that I so desperately wanted to learn to make. That's taken to the grave now.

A friend and I have been taking turns beating high-scores in the video game Audiosurf 2. We've been seeing who can keep the highest scores on the songs by a Danish rock band called Nephew. I wrote about them in my last Summer blog post, and still highly recommend them to anyone and everyone. Especially if you love 2000s-style rock pop.

There's once again a deep-seated feeling of loneliness that's washing around inside my chest, feeling like an uncomfortable pair of swim-trunks that are still uncomfortably wet. I'd like to get out of them, but I feel like even if I do find out how in some temporary situation the real issue will show itself. In this analogy we'll just say it's the sand that was in there too and is now irritating unnameable places.

Something I'm genuinely upset about is a plan I made last night to make alcoholic cocktails with my partner and watch stuff on television together, but we were both so tired that after we ate dinner, we immediately went to bed. I see the bag of potato chips and the 2lt of Pepsi sitting next to my sake bottles and feel a bit of regret. I won't see him for at least a week now, so I'll be making some of those tonight for myself. I'll watch that Danish movie Druk (or Another Round in English) about finding that happy percentage of alcohol consumption that makes you feel good. I feel like there will be an uncomfortable and meaningful message in this movie that I need to hear.

Currently as I write this, I feel thirsty. For water. Unfortunately my "Big-Ass-Fuck-Ass Luigi Mug" (its full legal name that we must refer to it by) is empty. My father is out in his usual chair, and I don't like going out there to do stuff when he's there. I don't want to talk to him, and I know when he's getting ready to say something because of a specific sound he makes. I think it's trauma, but when I hear that sound I tense up and feel dread, even when it turns out to be something fine. Do I feel sick and drink sake cocktails instead of water because of this? I don't know, but like when I used to be too scared to run to the bathroom late at night because I assumed the Amnesia: The Dark Descent Grunt would be out in the dark, I'll have to face up to a non-existent issue that I'm fabricating in my head but can't seem to let go and just get the damn water. 

"Alone Again (Naturally)" - 

Gilbert O'Sullivan